From: monica@pipeline.com (Monica Shin)

This was originally written 4/97. After that time, only a few minor
edits have been done to this piece. C&C directed toward
monica@pipeline.com welcome. Visit my page if you'd like to read some
more of my fanfics ^_^ http://www.pipeline.com/~monica

Heaven's Gifts: By Monica Shin

"Miki? Where are you?" 

Yuu's voice floated up from the living room to where Miki was
standing. "Yuu- I'm right here!" She adjusted the folds on the
curtain, and then stretched. She smiled as she looked at the brightly
decorated room, seeing that all the work had paid off. 

Suddenly, arms went around her stomach and a voice whispered, "There
you are..."

"Yuu! Stop it! That tickles!" Miki's giggles ceased as he smiled at
her and let her go. 

Her husband asked her, "So, what are you doing here?" 

She gave him a mock-angry glare. "As if you didn't know! Do you
realize how much work needs to be done on this room before it's the
way I planned it? We have to make at least 3 more trips to-" As she
gazed at the sinking expression on his face, Miki couldn't keep up the
teasing. "Just kidding! Actually, I'm just about done decorating. So,
what do you think? Look around, not as a husband, but as-" 

Miki stopped speaking as he started to look around, carefully
inspecting each hanging, each little frill. Finally, he stopped his
circuit and then gave her a grave look. "Hmm... I think that..." He
paused, giving the room another look, before smiling. "I think that
it's wonderful!"

He started to laugh as Miki started to bombard him with ineffectual
hits on the arms and chest. "Yuu! Don't tease-" Then, she got a
strange expression on her face. "Ah!" 

Yuu stopped laughing immediately. "Miki! What is it? Are you all
right? Is it-" She looked up at him with one hand on her stomach, and
then gave him a gentle smile. Yuu sighed in relief, seeing it was
nothing serious. "Miki, you are all right?" 

Miki nodded, still smiling. "Our baby just moved! I guess that means
he likes this room, just like his father- I'm glad, since this room is
going to be his for quite a while. Ah! He did it again- Yuu, put your
hand right here." Miki smiled as Yuu knelt down beside her slightly
swelled stomach, putting one hand gently where she had indicated.
"There? Did you feel?" 

Yuu gave her a silly grin, one that told her exactly how elated he
was. "I think I did... Oh, Miki-" 

Miki sat down next to him, her back aching a little from the day's
exertions. Yuu gazed at her with concern as she sighed and closed her
eyes, rubbing the back of her neck slowly. "Tired?" Miki responded to
Yuu's gentle question with a little nod, and leaned against him. "You
know that you shouldn't tire yourself so much!"

"Yuu, I'm only in my 5th month! Don't worry so much about me. Ah!"
Miki's little shriek was cut off as she opened her eyes. She found
herself being carried over to their own bedroom. "Yuu! What are you
doing?" Yuu ignored her and carried her into their cozy room, putting
her down onto their bed. He tucked her in, making sure she was
comfortable. "Yuu! I've got so many other things to do-" He put one
finger to her lips, and then turned off the lights. 

"Miki, you are going to go to sleep for a few hours. I'll take care of
dinner and everything else, so just make sure you're rested and
feeling better. OK?" 

Miki gave him a rueful grin, and then nodded. "Yes, dear..." 

Yuu gave her a small kiss on her forehead. "Good, my dear wife." Then
he placed a hand over her rounded stomach. "And good, my little child.
You rest up too, and don't give your mother a hard time..." He left
his wife in bed and went to take care of dinner.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


The doorbell rang as Yuu was putting the soup to boil. After wiping
his hands on a towel, and making sure the rice wasn't burning, he went
to get the door. "Satoshi-san! Meiko!" 

The couple stood at the entrance, Miwa with his arm around Meiko. The
elder man smiled at Yuu's disarray. "Don't tell me Miki didn't remind
you she invited us over for dinner!" 

"Well, Miki's actually been sleeping, so I suppose she didn't. Um, why
don't you both come in? I think that there'll be enough for four- I
just have to add a few more things to dinner." Miwa and Meiko followed
Yuu into the house, seating themselves in the living room. As Yuu went
into the kitchen, he asked them, "Would either of you like some coffee
while you wait? I'm probably going to be a while-" 

Meiko smiled. "Miki told us to come over for a little quiet time, and
because she wanted to show off the new nursery. I want to talk to her
about the baby shower, too. She told me it was too soon, but... Well,
I'll go wake her up." 

She gave Miwa a meaningful nudge. Miwa looked at her questioningly, at
which Meiko pointed his head toward the kitchen. "I think that my lady
is telling me to go help you with the coffee. I'll be there in a
moment." Miwa sighed a bit, shaking his head. 

Meiko pulled Miwa up from the couch and gently shoved him to the
kitchen's direction. "Don't be so lazy!" 

Miwa gave her a formal bow. "Of course, my lady. Your every whim shall
be undertaken by this humble servant." 

As Meiko smiled and turned to go upstairs, she replied, "I don't think
humble is the word you should use, Satoshi..." Miwa smiled, gave a
long-suffering sigh that was patently false, and went to help Yuu in
the kitchen. 


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


"Miki-chan... are you awake?" Meiko crept into the couple's bedroom,
wondering if she should wake her friend. She looked down on the bed,
where Miki was sleeping so peacefully, and then patted the blanket.
Looking at her tired face, Meiko whispered, "I think that we'll come
back when you don't seem so..."

"Ah!" Miki grimaced in pain, curling up into a fetal position. 

"Miki! What's wrong?" 

Miki opened her eyes, smiling weakly at Meiko. "Meiko... don't worry-
it was just another cramp. I think that I've been working too hard,
but I've been so busy- Oh no! I completely forgot that I invited you
over..." Miki started to get up from the bed, still apologizing.

Meiko smiled at her friend, and made her lie back down. "Miki, don't
worry about it, ok? Satoshi and I will have dinner with Yuu, while you
are going to be resting right here." Concern in her eyes, Meiko added,
"I think that you should be going to the doctor about those cramps,
too..."

Miki nodded, and then let herself be put to bed by Meiko. "You know,
everyone is treating me like such a baby! I'm just pregnant, not
dying..." 

Meiko smiled at the half exasperated, half petulant tone that Miki was
using. "Miki, we just don't want anything to happen to you or the
baby, ok? Now, go back to bed."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


"So, how is Miki?" Miwa's casual question made Yuu turn around. 

Smiling, Yuu said in a proud tone, "She's just fine, and so is the
baby. Today, we both felt the baby move..." 

Miwa moved into the kitchen, taking the coffee away from Yuu. "I'll do
this. You make sure the soup isn't overboiling over there-" Miwa
looked at Yuu with a slight smile on his face, as Yuu went to save his
dinner. "Yuu, I think that Miki's had an effect on you. I've never
know you to be so obviously happy before..." 

Yuu grinned at the man he thought of as his brother. "Well, it's hard
not to be, when your life is going so well. I've just gotten another
job that lets me do something creative, and my wife is pregnant with
our first child. What more could anyone ask for?" As Yuu turned toward
the stove to shut it off, he told Miwa, "You and Meiko seem to be
doing well also..." 

Miwa nodded as he started the coffee. "She and I are fine... we're
probably not going to be marrying for a while because she wants to be
on the Namura family register until everything is worked out. Still,
the Namura family approves, and so do my family- that's all I really
care about." As Yuu took the pot off of the stove, Miwa started to
take out the dishes from the cupboard. "I think that if we weren't
happy, there would be something wrong with both of us, don't you?" 

Yuu nodded happily. Meiko came into the room as both of them were
grinning and nodding at each other. "Ah... Satoshi? Yuu? Are you both
ok?" 

Miwa smiled at her, and said, "Don't worry, Meiko. We're just very
happy." 

Meiko gave both of them a skeptical look, before continuing. "I let
Miki sleep because she seemed rather tired. I'm worried about her a
bit-" 

Yuu's expression was almost panicked as he turned around, soup
forgotten on the counter. "What's wrong?" 

Meiko smiled and patted him gently on the arm. "Yuu, keep calm. It's
just that she just had a cramp right now, and she looks a bit too
tired. Maybe we should call the doctor, just in case-"

"She didn't tell me that she was having pains! We've got to call the
doctor right away and-" 

Miwa and Meiko looked at each other for a moment. In a whisper, Miwa
told Meiko, "His famous cool disappears when Miki's at stake, doesn't
it?" 

Meiko nodded, adding, "Her and the baby... we'd better make sure he
doesn't go overboard-"

Miwa went over to Yuu, placing his hands on Yuu's shoulders. "Yuu!
Calm down! If you panic, think of what Miki will do!" 

Suddenly, they heard a moan coming from Miki's room. Then, a shriek.
"Yuu!" 

Yuu leapt up and started up the stairs, followed closely by Miwa and
Meiko. "Miki! Are you all right? What's wrong?"

Yuu stopped when he saw his crying wife. "Yuu... I-I'm bleeding, and
it hurts..." 

Yuu paled and then looked around in a panicked manner. "Mi-miki- don't
worry. I'll call the doctor and-" He stopped as he felt a calming hand
on his arm. 

Meiko gave him a stern look. "Yuu! I said this before! If you aren't
calm, how do you think Miki's going to feel?"

Yuu looked at her as if emerging from a dream, and his face smoothed
over. Projecting a calm that he did not feel, Yuu knelt down beside
Miki. "Shh- don't worry Miki. I'll get you down to the hospital. Don't
worry, okay? Nothing's going to happen-" He took his wife into his
arms, and started to carry her down the stairs.

When he was half way down the stairs, he looked back at Meiko and
Miwa. Miwa waved him away, and told him, "Don't worry! We're going to
be right behind you! We'll call the doctor for you- just get her to
the hospital quickly! Go!" Yuu nodded his thanks, and half-ran to his
car. 

"Oh, Satoshi..." 

Miwa nodded grimly. "We'd better call and get down to the hospital
quickly... I'm afraid that-" He didn't go on, not wanting to say what
both of them knew. 

Instead, Meiko gave him a fierce embrace for a moment, before pushing
him toward the door. "I'll call the doctor, and you get the car ready
and lock up."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


"Matsuura-san?" 

Yuu looked up from the chair that he had been sitting in, his face
anxious. "Yes?" The nurse indicated the room that he was supposed to
go in to. "Aoshima-sensei wants you to come in, too. She says that
it's urgent..." Yuu nodded and got up quickly, and went to the door
the nurse had pointed to. 

"Aoshima-sensei?" 

The doctor looked up from a chart as Yuu walked into the room.
"Matsuura-san. Please have a seat." 

Yuu took the chair, obviously agitated. "Sensei, what's wrong with my
wife? Is it-" Yuu was stunned to silence as the doctor nodded sadly. 

The doctor put one hand on his arm, and told him in a soft,
sympathetic voice, "Matsuura-san. I'm deeply sorry, but your wife just
had a spontaneous abortion- a miscarriage. We're not sure what
happened, but from the tests, it seems that this was the cause of an
incompetent cervix- the cervix started to open, and there was no way
to stop it from opening in time to save the-" 

All that the doctor had said filtered slowly into Yuu's mind.
Somewhere, he could hear her speak on, about how it had been
inevitable once the cervix had opened, and that Miki was- "My wife!
How is she? Will she be-" 

The doctor gave him a quiet smile as she managed to give him some good
news. "Don't worry about Miki-san. Miscarriages are rarely harmful
unless it is incomplete- she'll be fine." Realizing how hard this must
be for Yuu, the doctor kept her lecture short. Smiling at him in an
calming manner, she told him, "I'm keeping her in the hospital for
observation, but I'll let her go in a few days. She's in room 304, if
you want to see her-"

Yuu knew that it was rude, but he bowed hastily, and then ran to the
elevator. He didn't know what to think. His life had seemed so perfect
just a few hours ago, but now... "Room 304- Oh, Miki..." 


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


"I hate hospitals..." Meiko's voice rang in the corridor as she
hurried after Miwa. "They remind me too much of death..." 

Miwa turned to her, and grasped her hand. "Don't think like that! We
have to be positive, for Miki and Yuu's sake. Right?" Meiko nodded,
but she couldn't stop the single tear that ran down her cheek. 

"Miwa-san! Meiko!" 

They both turned in surprise to the people coming toward them. "Ginta!
Arimi-san! How did you get here so quickly?" 

Arimi stopped running, and waited for her husband to come up from
behind her before answering. "When we got your phone call, we knew
that Miki-san and Yuu-kun would need all the support we could give
them. So we got into the car and-"

Arimi fell silent as Ginta added, "-and was almost killed by my
reckless driving... But Meiko, we were so concerned! Do you know-" 

Meiko shook her head. "We just got here ourselves, after we called the
doctor and everyone else-" They all started to go into the hospital
together, hoping against hope that perhaps...


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


"Miki?" Yuu's quiet question rang in the dark room. "Miki, are you-"
Yuu stopped and closed the door behind him. Silent now, he went to the
bed where his wife was sobbing desolately, curled in a fetal position.
He sat down next to her, and embraced her. "Miki..."

"Yuu... I-I lost the baby. Our baby. He's gone... why? What did I do?
Why..." She turned away from his embrace, curling over her now-flat
stomach. "Yuu. I-I can't see you right now- I'm sorry. Please... just
please..." 

Yuu looked away from his wife, knowing he should stay with her. But
the hopelessness he had just heard made it impossible to go against
Miki's wishes. "I'll be right outside, ok? I-" He couldn't stand it
anymore, the soft sobbing and quiet despair. He left the room, and sat
outside, waiting and hoping that perhaps she would call him back in.
As he sat, he could feel the wall growing higher and higher- the same
wall that had come down so long ago on that beach.

"Our child... gone. Why?" He echoed Miki's heartbroken questions in
his own despairing voice, asking whatever god or power why. Sitting
there, he wished, and prayed, but there was no reply. The wall kept
growing, ice freezing in his heart, trying to block out the pain.
Keeping the tears in his heart from appearing...


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


"Please tell us where our daughter is!" Rumi's voice alerted the rest
to their arrival. 

"Rumi-san! Please tell them that we'd like to know too!" Miwa's voice
carried to the desk where the parents were standing. 

"Miwa! Meiko-chan! There you two are! I see that you called Arimi-chan
and Suoh too." Miwa nodded, and let the anxious parents get the Miki's
room number out of the nurse much more efficiently than they ever
could.

"We demand to know where our daughter is!" Chiyako's commanding voice
filled the waiting room, making the nurse extremely nervous. That, and
the fact that there were two very anxious fathers hovering right
behind her. 

"Where's my baby? How is she? Doesn't anyone know?" Jin's voice
blended right in with Chiyako's, making the nurse even more confused.

"Please! Be quiet while I work this out..." The nurse stared at the
four skeptically. "Now, please. You are looking for a Matsuura
Miki-san, is that correct?" The four nodded in unison. "All right
then. Now, what is your relation to the patient? I'm afraid that we
would prefer it if only family sees her right now..." 

Youji's anxious question stopped her calm speech. "Why? What's wrong?
Why only family?" 

The nurse looked at the four people in front of her, who was getting
even more agitated, and tried to reassure them. "Please! The patient
is fine. Now, which of you are family?" All four raised their hands.
"Ah... perhaps I should phrase this better. Who are her parents?" All
four raised their hands again. "Ah- well, if you-" 

Miwa's smooth interference stopped her comments. "It's a complicated
situation, ah-" He glanced quickly at her name card, and added,
"Aoike-san. Please, we're all very worried about poor Miki-chan, not
to mention her husband-" Both Miwa and the nurse ignored the wailing
of the two mothers at the mention of their older children, and Miwa
gave Nurse Aoike a winning smile. The nurse looked at him, and at the
agitated parents, before looking down to get the room number.

"Matsuura-san is in room 304. Please keep quiet and make your visit
short-" The nurse looked up and blinked in surprise to find that the
parents had already gone up the stairs. Miwa gave her an apologetic
smile, before rushing his wife and the rest to the elevator. 

As they were going to the third floor, Arimi asked in a quiet tone,
"Only family? Why?" 

Ginta drew her to him fiercely. He said in a somber tone, "I think we
know..." All of them looked at each other, and then looked away. 

Meiko's soft voice echoed in the elevator. "We all know why..."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


"Yuu! Oh, honey- are you all right? What happened?" 

Yuu looked up from his withdrawn daze to see his mother hovering over
him. "Mama... she's in there- go see her, please." 

Youji went to his side, kneeling down beside him. "Yuu, why aren't you
in there with Miki-chan?" 

Yuu stared up at his father dully, and said in a quiet voice, "She
asked me to leave. Please go see her, Rumi-san, Jin-san. I think that
she needs all of you very badly right now."

Yuu looked back down to the carpet, feeling the walls building. Afraid
to open his heart once more... He missed the saddened gazes his
parents' threw at each other, but heard them go quietly into the room.
He heard the elevator open, and then looked up as he heard his
friends' voices.

"Yuu! What are you doing out in the hall?" Ginta's voice was overly
loud, but when Arimi nudged him, he blushed and then said in a quieter
voice, "Are you all right?" When Yuu didn't respond, Ginta looked up
at the rest of the group. In a helpless sort of way, he gave Yuu a pat
on the back. "Hey, Yuu..." 

Arimi smiled at her husband gently and asked him, "Ginta, why don't
you and Meiko-san go get Yuu some coffee?" 

Meiko looked at Arimi with questions in her eyes, to which Arimi
pointed to herself, and Miwa. Nodding in understanding, Meiko smiled
gently and moved Ginta away from the two who would hopefully draw Yuu
out of his isolation. As they left, Arimi shook her head at Ginta,
looking at the confused young man with a slight smile on her face. She
looked up to see Miwa grinning at her husbands antics. Sharing rueful
grins, they then looked back down to Yuu.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


"Miki-chan? Are you awake?" The parents' boisterous manner had faded
now, leaving all of them terribly serious. 

Rumi's quiet voice reached Miki, who lifted her tear-stained face.
"Mama? Papa?" Her quiet, sad tone made all of them see how unlike
herself she was. She started to cry again, making both Rumi and Jin go
up to her side, while Chiyako and Youji guarded the foot of the bed.

"I- the baby... our child. He's gone... why? What did I do?" Her
desolate words were drowned out by sobs, leaving her parents able to
do nothing except hold her. "Yuu... he-he must hate me now... How
could I have lost our child?" 

At this, both Chiyako and Youji reacted. "Miki-chan! You can't believe
that? Yuu doesn't blame you at all! You must realize that..." Chiyako
realized that her words weren't getting through, and stopped. For a
moment, there was silence except for the sobs and the reassurances
that Rumi was whispering to Miki. There was nothing they could do,
except watch her, and hold her while she cried herself out. Finally,
they left her to sleep, and went out, their hearts hurting even more. 


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


"Yuu- Yuu! Look at me!" 

Yuu gazed up at the face of his once-girlfriend. "Arimi, don't worry
about me..." 

His comment was cut off as Arimi slapped him sharply. "Yuu! You idiot!
Don't you realize how Miki must be feeling now? She just lost the
baby, and she probably thinks she lost you! Stop being such an idiot!"

Yuu dropped the hand that he had placed over his burning cheek.
Looking down at the linoleum, he spoke on, ignoring the furious Arimi.
"She told me to leave her alone... I don't think she wants to see me
right now. She shouldn't... it must be my fault, I think. I should
have told her to be more careful... maybe if I hadn't lifted her so
violently..."

Miwa's angry words cut through Yuu's words. "Yuu... you know that I
love you like a brother. But sometimes, you are a complete idiot! Stop
wallowing in your own misery, and think about your wife in that room!
She's crying and feeling terrible, and what are you doing? Just
sitting here, indulging your own guilt!" Miwa's voice turned a bit
warmer as he knelt down in front of Yuu. "Go in and see your wife.
Both of you lost something irreplaceable, but you should be together
in your grief. And Yuu... if you're feeling guilty, think of how Miki
must be feeling..." 

Arimi knelt down next to him, and whispered, "Don't let this make you
become like the guy you were before- if only for Miki-chan."

They all heard the door open, and the four adults coming out. Rumi and
Chiyako were crying, and the men weren't much better, either. 

"Miki..." 

Chiyako went up to Yuu. "Why aren't you with your wife? Do you realize
she thinks that you blame her for the-" 

Yuu leapt up, shocked. "How could she think such a thing? Of course
it's not her fault!" 

Rumi shook her head sadly. "But she doesn't know that..." Yuu sat back
down and put his hands to his face. "Oh gods. Miki... Why?"


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


"So, we're basically pushed out of the way while the two of them talk
to Yuu?" 

Meiko smiled, and handed Ginta a cup of coffee. "Basically. After all,
those two are closer to Yuu than we are." They both sat down on a
couple of chairs near the food vending machines to wait until Arimi
and Miwa were done. 

Ginta nodded, his smile fading as he remembered why he was here in the
first place. "Poor Miki... she must be totally devastated." 

Meiko looked down, and couldn't stop the tears. "We were visiting her
because... because she was so proud of the nursery- she had put her
whole heart into designing a room that would make a child feel loved
and wanted, and she had just finished..." 

She felt Ginta's sadness as well, as he put a hand on her shoulder.
"Miki and Yuu were so excited... they came to ask us for advice,
because we had already had children. I never thought that... I never
realized how lucky Arimi and I were, having such healthy kids. I never
realized... If we had lost Yuriko and Ryo, I don't know what we would
have done." Ginta's rough voice was lost as he stared down into his
coffee. "If this had happened to us... I really don't know what we
could have done."

They both sat there for a little while, quiet and sad. Finally, Meiko
spoke up. "Did you know... When she told me that she was pregnant, I
was totally and horribly jealous for a moment- this was when I hadn't
seen Miwa yet. I had wanted a child so badly, but Shinichi had... I
thought that there was nothing worse than what I had felt when I
realized that Shinichi and I would never have children... but I was
wrong. This- to have such joy just taken away, for no reason, when you
know... it's horrible."

"Terrible, awful... all of it. You can't know how a parent feels when
a child is in any sort of danger... Arimi and I had a few times when
we were just terrified that something had happened to Yuriko and
little Ryo. But I can't even conceive of a world without my children.
How could this have happened to Yuu and Miki? They're the last two
people to whom things like this should happen to..."

Meiko's bitter laugh rang through the hallway. "There's one thing I've
learned in my life, Ginta. Things that shouldn't happen to people
still happen, whether we like it or not. It's the picking up
afterwards that we can always affect... if only for the people that
are left behind." 

Ginta nodded, and then got up. "I think we've given them long enough,
don't you? I think cold coffee is the last thing he needs right now."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


"Satoshi? What is it?" 

Miwa saw his wife and Ginta coming with the promised coffee in their
hands. Miwa shook his head as he looked at the confused Yuu. "He still
doesn't get it... Meiko, I want you and Ginta to go talk to Miki. She
needs some friends right now, and if Yuu can't, someone has to-" He
and Arimi took her and Ginta aside, away from Yuu and the parents.

Miwa let Arimi tell them what had happened, and of how Miki was
blaming herself. Meiko looked shocked, but Ginta... he was glaring at
Yuu and was clenching his fists. "Ginta! What are you doing?" 

Ginta looked down at his concerned wife, and said in a low, tight
voice, "I'm going to go beat him up for not being with Miki now!
Doesn't he realize-"

Arimi's voice was sharp. "Of course he realizes! But how would you
feel if- if we had lost Ryo! You can't expect him to be perfect, no
matter what kind of person he usually is. He's dealing with this by
retreating into himself again..." 

Miwa nodded in agreement. "He's doing like he always does, and this
time, Miki's not there to draw him out... and he's not there for her."
Miwa shook his head, sighing as he looked at Yuu. "They're both trying
to cope, but without each other, it just won't work. The problem is
that we can't do anything about it! We tried to talk to him, but he's
too far gone... maybe you guys will have better luck with Miki? I
don't know... but-" 

Meiko went over to him, leaning against him. Her whisper was enough.
"If they don't talk, if they wall themselves up- they won't be able to
get over it..."

Ginta took Arimi's hand, and squeezed tightly. She looked up at her
husband, and gave him a sad smile. Finally, he let her hand go, and
then looked at Meiko. They both nodded, and went past both the crying,
horrified parents to Miki's room. 


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


"Rumi... what should we do?" Chiyako's voice was desolate as she
looked down at her son, and remembered what her daughter had looked
like. 

Rumi's voice shook as she sighed, and leaned against her husband. "I-
I don't know. What can we do? Miki... my little girl. How could this
have happened-" Rumi felt her tears coming down again, but ignored
them. Instead, she leaned against Youji even more, feeling safer in
his arms. 

"This- this is like a bad dream..." Youji closed his eyes, and leaned
against the wall. "Chiyako, you know how Miki must be feeling right
now..." 

Chiyako nodded. "I remember... but I think this may be worse for Miki-
if only because hers was further along than mine was..." 

Jin sighed, looking sadly as the man he considered his son. "And worse
for Yuu. Miki and Yuu- they didn't realize things like this could
happen... I don't know- now they're blaming themselves for something
that isn't their fault...

Jin put his arms around Chiyako for a moment, as if assuring himself
that his wife was still there. "If this had happened when you two were
about to have Yumeko and Kazuya..." 

Youji nodded. "We would probably be acting about as badly as Yuu- if
not worse. I don't know..." 



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


"Miki?" They went into the room quietly, not quite sure what they
would find. "Are you awake?" 

Meiko's soft whisper made Miki sit up on the bed. "Meiko..." 

Ginta came up behind Miki, and he gave her a fierce hug. "Miki, are
you all right? You know that this wasn't your fault!" His voice was
loud and pained as he tried to give some comfort in a situation where
no comfort could be given...

"Ginta..." Miki took herself away from his embrace, and sat at the
middle of the bed, hugging her knees. "I'm sorry... could you please
just- just leave? I- I need to be by myself..." Suddenly, tears
started to fall involuntarily from her eyes. "Just... please." Ginta
started to back away, his face filled with pain, and sadness. 

"Miki, we're right her for you... don't ever doubt that." Meiko went
up to Miki, and embraced her, not only as a friend, but also as
someone who had also gone through loss. "Don't be afraid to cry, but
don't blame yourself. I know how that feels..." 

Miki tried to resist her gentle embrace, but soon found herself
clinging to Meiko. "Meiko... I-" 

Miki couldn't go on, and just cried as Meiko murmured soothing noises
to her. "Shh- I know, Miki. I know..." 

Above Miki's head, Meiko gave Ginta a helpless look. He shrugged and
gave Miki a compassionate look. They both knew all they could do was
hold her- they couldn't heal her pain... where could they even start?
Finally, Miki fell asleep, exhausted from the day's trauma. 

As they left the dark room, Ginta gave the door an angry glare. "Why
can't he-" 

Meiko's hand on his shoulder and her words calmed him slightly.
"Because inside, he's crying just like Miki..."



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Everyone who could stay had settled down in whatever places they could
for the night. No one \wanted to leave, but Arimi and Ginta had their
children, and so did the parents. Meiko and Miwa were assigned as
watchers- if anything went wrong at all, they had the task of alerting
everyone else. Yuu couldn't be persuaded away from the door, so the
two went to get him a blanket and something to eat. 

"Miki..." Yuu lifted his face away from his knees, and got up slowly.
He still heard her sobs, and her voice asking him to leave, but he
couldn't just stay away. He opened the door carefully, and went into
the room. There, he saw his pale, fragile wife sleeping in the cold,
sterile room.

He sat down next to her, and saw her tear-stained face. He put one
hand on her cheek to try to wipe them away, but felt that she was
still crying, even in her sleep. "Miki... I- I'm sorry..." He couldn't
say anything more, and just watched his wife crying in her sleep. He
felt his own dry face. "Why is it that I'm not crying? Why..." 

Yuu tried for words, and found one. "Guilt- that's all I see when I
look at you... my poor Miki. I'm sorry, but I can't seem to cry... I
can't help you." He gave her a light kiss on the cheek, and then crept
away. As he sat down onto the floor, he whispered, "My guilt... how
can you ever forgive me?" 

Miki opened her eyes as he left. Her whisper was almost inaudible as
she put her face into the pillow. "How can you not cry? Do you blame
me that much?"


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


"Miki, Yuu- are you two sure that we should leave you guys alone? You
don't have to act like-" 

Yuu nodded. "Satoshi-san, don't worry so much about us! We'll be
fine..." 

Miwa gave him and Miki an uncertain look, but then sighed. "All right-
you two are adults, so I'm sure you'll be fine. But if you need
anything-" 

"Don't worry! We'll call you two, ok?" 

Yuu waved as Miwa left them, and then ushered Miki inside. "Miki, why
don't you go lie down? I'll-" Miki gave him a wan smile, and nodded.
She went up the stairs without saying anything, and as soon as she had
left, Yuu's cheerful expression faded. "Miki..." He gazed up at the
silent stairs, and then went to make dinner. When he got to the
kitchen, he saw the remains of what had been soup a few days ago,
still sitting atop of the counter. He took the pot and started to wash
out what was left, but somehow, his vision started to mist over. 

Yuu felt them running down his cheeks- tears. Why? Why was he crying
now, of all times? He looked into the pot he was scrubbing, and
couldn't stop himself from crying. They just kept coming... He
finished washing up, and then proceeded to try to make dinner, when he
heard a crash. Rushing up the stairs, he yelled out, "Miki? Are you
all right?"

When Yuu got to the second floor, he saw where the noise was coming
from. The nursery lights were on, and Miki was inside... "Miki!
What's-" The sight that greeted him shocked him to silence. A lamp was
on the floor, shattered to pieces. The curtains were torn and flung
onto different parts of the room, and Miki was huddled in the middle,
crying. 

"Miki..." Yuu went to his wife, and knelt down beside her. "Miki?" He
saw her look up and gasp. "Miki, are you-" He felt her hands on his
cheeks, and Yuu realized that he was still crying. "Oh- I don't know
why, but for some reason, I just started to cry when I saw the ruined
soup... but Miki, are you-"

Miki looked at her husband with clear eyes for the first time since
this horrible ordeal had started. She looked into his face, at the
haunted eyes and the strained expression. "Yuu... oh god, Yuu- I'm so
sorry..." She took him into her arms, and placed his head on her
shoulder. "I've totally forgotten-"

Yuu stayed in his wife's embrace for a moment, feeling the walls break
down again. "Miki... I feel like this is all my fault- I wouldn't
blame you if-" 

He looked up as Miki shook her head violently. "Yuu! How could you
think that it's your fault! It must be mine-" 

Yuu pulled away from her embrace gently, this time becoming her
refuge. "Miki... you can't blame yourself. I think I'll always blame
myself for not doing something, anything- but it's not your fault.
Maybe it's not anyone's fault... but all I know is that we lost
something beautiful and special..." They clung to each other for what
seemed like eternity, each feeling the pain in the other's heart. 

Finally, their tears stopped, and they looked up at the room. It was a
mess, with half of the decorations torn off or strewn about, but they
could still see what it was supposed to have been- a place where that
beautiful dream would have been. "Yuu... I'm sorry about the room, but
I don't think I can come in here anymore..." 

Yuu looked around, his heart sick with grief. "I don't think I can,
either... Miki, come on. You have to get some rest, ok?" As Yuu lead
his wife out of the nursery, he looked back for a moment. "No, I don't
think I'll be coming in here anymore... Not with our memories like
this..." He turned off the lights and closed the door. 


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


"Meiko-san, how are Yuu and Miki-san really doing?" 
"Honestly? When I last visited them, they seemed to be like they were
before- happy and very much in love. But..." 
"But?" 
"The nursery door is locked... I don't think they're going to be using
it as anything beside a shrine..." 
"It's to be expected. I couldn't imagine using Ryo's room as anything
else if- Yuriko! Put your brother down! - I'm sorry about that... ever
since Ryo's started to walk..." 
"I understand. I'll probably be asking you for more advice as the
months go on..." 
"You don't mean that-" 
"Not yet. But since I married Satoshi, I've been hoping..." 
"Does Miki-san know?" 
"Yes... It makes her worried, but not truly sad... Miki has such a
large heart." 
"She does... But they are truly getting better?" 
"Well, she's had enough energy to go on one of those exhibits in
America. The last one she went to was before the miscarriage- she had
been planning the nursery..." 
"Oh- I see. And Yuu? Is he back to work-" 
"Very much so- he and Satoshi are working on a project together- a job
they have total creative control over- that's all Satoshi and he can
talk about." 
"I'm glad. When it happened, and Yuu became so withdrawn... I was
afraid that their love wouldn't be able to survive..." 
"They found each other- I think it was enough. But I don't think that
they can ever forget..." 
"Of course they can't! Such a thing... but they can live on..."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


"Miki, are you ready?" 

Yuu's soft question made her look up from the flowers that she had
been carrying. "Yes, I am..." She smiled up at her husband as both of
them went into the small meadow filled with wildflowers. They both sat
down on the warm grass, and looked up at the blue sky. Finally, Miki
put down the flowers she had picked.

"It's been a year since..." Miki wiped away the tears that started,
and took a deep breath. "We thought that we should remember this as
your birthday, as your special day, my darling child...Aiki*. You
should be a few months old now, making friends with little Ryo, or
maybe with your aunt and uncle..." She stopped speaking, and let Yuu
continue for her.

"We will always remember you and love you, as our first child that
should have been... but we have to let you go. There wasn't a body, so
there aren't any ashes or a grave, but we thought that you wouldn't
mind if your spirit was remembered here, where life and death occur in
harmony year after year." 

Yuu put a small teddy bear next to the flowers Miki had put down. "We
were going to give this to you to play with... we're giving it to you
now. We- we wish..."

Miki's voice was stronger now, as she leaned against Yuu- giving and
taking support. "We wish you were with us. We wish you could be here
so you could see your brother or sister... so that they could grow up
with a big brother to protect them, so we could have our child..." 

Yuu held her hand, lending her strength. "But never think that we will
ever forget you. Never- you are a part of our hearts forever...
because of what you are, and what you could have been..."



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


"Miki, are you sure about this? About having another child?" Yuu
looked at his wife, who had a far-away expression on her face. 

She nodded. "It won't replace our child in my heart, but we need to
live on. And we had never planned on only having one child..." 

Yuu took her hand. She looked up and saw him looking at her with a
nervous expression. "As long as the doctor thinks that this is healthy
for you- I don't want you to-" 

Miki gave him a gentle smile. "Yuu, don't worry. I checked with
Aoshima-sensei, and she told me that it was fine. So don't worry,
please." 

He squeezed her hand tightly, and then let it go. Guesturing at the
nursery, he said, "Are you really okay with this? Using this room as-"


Miki went over to the little crib that she had put in over a year ago.
"This room was supposed to be a place of joy and happiness... it would
have been, if-" She shook her head. "We made it represent death and
pain, but it's not fair to our baby's memory, and to our new child's
life..." She smoothed over the newly installed curtain. "This room
should be filled with light, not sadness."

Yuu nodded. "What about the baby's name?" She looked up at him. "How
about Tenshi*? Our heavenly gift, sent down to relieve some of the
pain, and the darkness... But never to take away the beauty of our
Aiki..." Yuu embraced her tightly. "This time, our angel won't leave
us behind..."

---Finis---

Tenshi- Angel or Heaven's Gift (kanji diff, but either one ^_^;;) 
Aiki- hope and love (at least a way the kanji could be taken...)