Ratbat A Marmalade Boy alternate history crossover MUSTARD GIRL Episode #1 Miki-chan no Hen na Kazoku by Urac Sigma A. KISSATEN. [Fairly average-looking coffee-house. Meiko and Miki are here, both wearing their school uniforms.] MEIKO: I don't understand, Miki...I thought your parents got along really well! [Pause] [sad] Not like mine... [Miki, in a major league fit, doesn't notice the tangent.] MIKI: They were! They are! They should be! This is all ridiculous! [She jabs a button on her little robot/memo- keeper.] MIKI [Distort]: Papa to Mama no baka!! [Miki fumes in agreement with her recorded self.] MEIKO: ...and didn't they just go on that trip to China? [Miki slams her hands on the table.] MIKI: China? That trip to China was the cause of it all! MEIKO: Un...did they have a fight while they were over there? MIKI: Iie. No, that's not what happened... [Flashback to:] B. MIKI'S FIRST LIVING ROOM. [The living room of Miki's old house from the first episode of Marmalade Boy. Miki is here, sitting opposite her mother Rumi and her father Jin, drinking tea.] RUMI: Aa nee, Miki...? JIN: We want you to listen. Please don't be surprised. MIKI: Ee? [Her parents announce, happy as anything:] RUMI & JIN: We're thinking of getting divorced. [Miki all but spits out her tea.] MIKI: ! [The room spins for poor Miki-chan.] MIKI [VO]: That was certainly an exciting event. [Pause] But that was... [She leaps to her feet, angry.] MIKI: Na-nani o sore?!? MIKI [VO]: It's always the same old thing. I suffer every day. JIN: It happened on the trip we just took to China. RUMI: A couple on the same tour as us...we're completely compatible. JIN: During the activities, Mama fell in love with the husband, and I fell in love with his wife. [Miki's eyes just bug out.] MIKI: Ko...koi? RUMI: Soonendo. JIN: The four of us discussed the situation, and decided to exchange partners. MIKI [Thoroughly livid]: Partner exchange?! You've got to be kidding! What are these people's names, anyway?! JIN: Their names are...Mr and Mrs Saotome. TITLE SEQUENCE. [At the end of Koi o Wakaranai, we hear the jingle that used to herald Ranma episode titles, and a character announces the title.] MIKI [VO]: Miki-chan no Hen na Kazoku. 1. MIKI'S FIRST LIVING ROOM. [This picks up right where the pre-titles left off.] MIKI: I'm not listening to such an idiotic story! [Jin and Rumi are still smiling happily.] JIN: Oh, don't think that the love between us has disappeared, Miki-chan. RUMI: No...but now it's not so much of a romantic love. [They start to forget Miki in this conversation.] JIN: Ee...it's more like brother and sister. We've been like this even since before we got married. [This is also a line from Koishikawa Miki's original anime home, Marmalade Boy. It does raise one question: If her parents feel like they are brother and sister, what does that say about Miki herself?] RUMI: Yes...and by doing this, we avoid adultery, which isn't very nice at all... JIN: So...this is the best way... [Miki slams the table.] MIKI: Stop kidding around! [Her parents look shocked, and a little sad.] JIN: Na...nani? MIKI: Please! Change things back to normal! RUMI: Miki-chan...with the Saotomes, we both felt things we hadn't felt in a long time...please, forgive us. 2. KISSATEN. [Miki has dug little holes in the table with her fingernails through telling this story.] MIKI: How am I supposed to forgive something like that?! How can anyone!? They've always been strange, but this...? Grrr! [Meiko clearly thinks it's great.] MEIKO: What's wrong with it? I think it's funky. If I had parents like yours, I'd love to have two sets of them! MIKI: You wouldn't say that if they were your parents... MEIKO: No. I mean it. [Solemn] Your parents are a lot better than mine. Even if it is only like a brother and sister, at least your parents still do love each other. Mine...they don't. Not anymore. The only reason they don't actually get a divorce is because of the money...and they don't want people to talk about them. That's what makes your parents so good. They don't care about that. They just do what makes them happy...when your parents can't even make themselves happy...it's really painful to grow up like that. I don't ever want to get married, not if that's what it leads to. MIKI: Meiko... Now I understand why you never go out, even though you're so popular. [Meiko waves a dismissive hand and is instantly bubbly again.] MEIKO: Nee! Just because I don't want to get married, it doesn't mean I don't like men! [Miki face-faults.] 3. STREET WITH JUNK JUNGLE. [On this street we see a second-hand store/coffee-shop called the Junk Jungle. We hear a crash, then the owner of the store cries out:] KIJIMA [VO]: Oi!! 4. JUNK JUNGLE. [We open to see a large panda and a red-haired girl in a frilly blue dress at each other's throats. She grabs a chair and swats it across the panda's head. He, in turn, throws a clothes- rack at her. In short, they're beating the crap out of each other. At the counter, Kijima, that with-it store guy, is getting rather cross.] KIJIMA: Hey!! Stop it! [Neither appear to take any notice of him.] GIRL: Get off! I'm not wearing this stuff!! PANDA: Graaarrr...! KIJIMA: Stop it, or I'm calling the keikan! GIRL: It's your fault I'm this way in the first place!! [The panda suddenly holds up a wooden sign, reading: You're just as much to blame.] GIRL: The hell I am! You were doing all the leading! [The panda instantly holds a new sign: But you'll still need new clothes!] [Kijima's eyes widen. But they're behind his shades, so we can't see them.] KIJIMA [VO]: It's the panda's fault she's this way? She'll need new clothes...? [Pause] Is this chick pregnant to her panda? [In a thought bubble by his head, Kijima briefly has a mental picture of the red-haired girl cradling a cute little baby panda.] GIRL: I'll wear what I like! [She kicks the panda quite viciously into the wall, and Kijima snaps out of it.] KIJIMA: I'm not going to warn you again! [His only reply is getting hit in the face by a thrown hat. He ends up below the counter. Once there, he shakes his head and reaches for the phone.] KIJIMA: I gave her fair warning. If she can't control her panda, she should leave it at home. [We hear a new voice in the shop.] NEWCOMER [OOV]: Stop. [Kijima has dialled half a number, then realises that the chaos has, in fact, stopped. He scowls, and rises above the counter. Both the panda and the girl have stopped fighting to turn to the new entrant to the store: a woman in her forties, looking very matriarchal, and holding an outstretched katana.] FORTIES: [Sigh] I'm beginning to think I can't take you two anywhere. GIRL: But, Okaas-- FORTIES: I don't need to hear it right now. Even if you're not going to do it all the time, you will need the clothes for it sometimes. [Beat] I dare say that this man has already asked you to leave his shop. [Kijima nods slowly.] FORTIES: And I hardly blame him. [Both of them look kind of sheepish. The woman gestures with the katana.] FORTIES: Come on, you two - outside. [The girl and the panda leave the shop. The woman turns to Kijima.] FORTIES: I'm so sorry about this. My son can be quite...enthusiastic at times. [She bows and exits.] KIJIMA [VO]: Her son? But didn't the girl call her...? Maybe the panda's hers as well as the girl... That must be one interesting family. [Shaking his head, he gets to clearing up the mess.] 5. STREET WITH JUNK JUNGLE. [The woman from indoors is here, lecturing the girl and the panda.] FORTIES: You two have really got to learn to behave yourselves! You're not on the road anymore - you can't just start beating the stuffing out of each other every time you have a disagreement. GIRL: But I'm a martial artist! That's what I do! [The woman sighs heavily.] FORTIES: Oh, dear...that's not all there is to being a martial artist. Just what were you being taught all this time? [To the panda] I knew letting you handle the upbringing was a mistake...I should have at least made you promise to be responsible or something... GIRL: Hey! Quit talking about me like I'm not here! [The panda growls softly, but the woman holds up her hand.] FORTIES: Not now. We've got a dinner to get to, so we'd better get changed. You two especially. Now, come on. GIRL: Hai, Okaasan. [The panda holds up a sign that reads 'Yes, dear.'] FORTIES: Mmmm...I think you'd better get used to not calling me that... [The panda rearranges his sign to read 'Yes, Nodoka-san.'] [Nodoka smiles sweetly, and leads them away.] 6. MIKI'S FIRST LIVING ROOM. [Miki picks up a ringing telephone.] MIKI: Moshimoshi? [Wipe to:] 7A. MIKI'S FIRST LIVING ROOM. SPLIT-SCREEN. 7B. GINTA'S ROOM. SPLIT-SCREEN. [In Ginta's room, unsurprisingly, sits the good- looking youngster known as Ginta. He is dressed in tennis gear, and has obviously been at it not long ago.] GINTA: Miki-chan? MIKI: Aa! Ginta! GINTA: Miki - you didn't show up for practice today. Are you all right? MIKI: Hai! I just...[trails off] MIKI [VO]: What can I say? No way can I tell him it's because I'm going to dinner to meet the new couple my parents are going to marry. It'd be so embarrassing to talk to Ginta about the weird things my family's doing! MIKI: I...had to get ready for something. Gomen - I should have told you. [Quick] Aa, see you at school tomorrow! [Miki hangs up the phone dead fast. Cut to:] 8. GINTA'S ROOM. [Ginta stares at the dead receiver. Dissolve.] 9. RESTAURANT. [A big, six-seating table. Drinks are already served, but Miki's parents have evidently got up to do something, as Miki is here alone. Frustrated and bored, she slips the chopsticks out of their paper sheath. As they are the joined-together cheap kind, she goes to pull them apart. They're a bit on the incredibly cheap side, as they won't come. She pulls and pulls, and eventually it gives: with the motion, her arms go flying to the side, and she knocks over the wine of the person to her right. She panics. First, she rights the glass and pours what's gone into the saucer on the table back into the glass. She then dries the saucer on the tablecloth. Then, she picks up the serviette (that has also been soaked), and wrings it out into the glass.] JIN [OOV, off]: This way...we've already ordered drinks. [Miki gives a final surge of panic, mops up the chair as best she can, then replaces the serviette with her own. She looks up as five people arrive at the table. Two are her parents. The third we recognise as Nodoka, last seen brandishing a katana. The fourth and fifth are a middle-aged man who looks unused to wearing his suit, and a boy of Miki's age, wearing a red Chinese shirt. Jin beams happily.] JIN: Miki-chan...these are the people we met on our trip. This is my soon-to-be-wife, Saotome Nodoka. [Lays a hand on Nodoka's shoulder.] NODOKA: Konbanwa. [Rumi puts an arm around the bespectacled man's waist.] RUMI: And this is the man I'm going to marry, Saotome Genma. [Miki just sits there looking rather stunned.] MIKI: Ha...hajimemashite... [Genma smiles broadly and slaps the boy on the back.] GENMA: And this is our son, Ranma... [He says something else, but we don't hear it. We see through Miki's eyes as she finally pays attention to Ranma. Everything acquires a startling blue tint, and the background becomes a pattern of hearts and flowers. Miki's eyes glaze over.] MIKI [VO]: Ara...he's so cute... [She follows his movements, mesmerised, as he takes a seat. Suddenly she snaps out of it.] MIKI [VO]: Dame! I can't be thinking of romance at a time like this! If they've got a kid my age, then he'll feel the same way I do about this whole mess! [She turns to Ranma, having trouble focussing as she does so. In the background, the parents are having their own conversation. Glenda only knows what it would be about.] RANMA: Hey. MIKI [Sotto]:Ranma, neee? [Ranma nods.] RANMA [Sotto]: Hai...Miki? MIKI [Sotto]:Ee. Listen...what do you think about all this? RANMA [Sotto]: Well, I was in China not so long ago, so I was hoping we'd maybe eat at a French re-- MIKI [Sotto]:Not the restaurant! This crazy idea our parents are having! Wanting to exchange partners! RANMA [Sotto]: I've gotta say it's pretty weird, yeah. I'm not exactly in love with the id-- MIKI [Cuts him off]: Good. Then you're with me. Sumimasen, minasan! [They all turn to Miki. Genma is caught in mid- gesture, using his hands to describe how big it is.] MIKI: I think it's best for everyone all round if I just get this straight out. We both think that this whole idea of exchanging partners is sick! We're completely and totally opposed to the entire thing! And neither Ranma here nor myself are going to stand for it!! RANMA: Ano...that's not what I said. [Miki's anger loses flow, and she turns to him.] MIKI: Nan de?! But you said--- RANMA: I said it was a bit weird. I said I wasn't in love with it. I don't remember saying that I was completely opposed to it. [Miki now looks very embarrassed, and registers the stares the parents are all giving her. They look a little hurt.] RUMI: Miki...we're all very sorry that you're upset, but...we're happy now. JIN: Yes...we're not hurting you in any way, are we? GENMA: It's not as though Nodoka and I are bad people... [Miki looks slightly guilty. She casts a look at Ranma. He gets up and whispers in her ear.] RANMA [Whispers]: Listen...ever since I was a kid, Oyaji's been all over me, training me in Musabetsu- school martial arts. He's done all kinds of stupid things in his time when he's supposed to be 'educating' me. So if he's found a woman that he wants to settle down with and he'll leave me alone, then that's fine by me! [Miki makes a nervous little squeak.] NODOKA: Miki...it doesn't really sound like you've given the idea full consideration. [Miki, seeming to debate whether or not to start tears, sinks back in her chair, drawing her hands across the table as she does so. This action causes her to knock another glass: Ranma's water. It tips over, right onto Ranma himself...then no sooner has the water hit the martial artist than his physical form has changed. Sitting there, looking alarmed and slightly embarrassed is the red-haired girl we saw at the Junk Jungle.] MIKI: Aaaiiieee! [She looks back at the parents, but they give little reaction. Evidently they were prepared for this. Ranma looks down at herself.] RANMA: Uh-oh. MIKI: Na...na...na...NANI?!? [Jin sighs and buries his face in his hands.] JIN: We were going to tell you about this, Miki... MIKI: What?! That you're marrying the parents of a...of a...[brain snaps]...of aaaa.... GENMA [Self]:To think I wanted to raise him to be a man... [Ranma hears this, and throws the rest of her water over Genma. He suddenly becomes the panda we saw in the Junk Jungle.] RANMA: Yeah, a chip off the old block, nee? A panda amongst pandas, was it? GENMA: Mrowf!! RANMA: That's easy for you to say! [Genma holds up a sign: You just watch it, boy.] NICOLE: [Sigh] Not again... [The other two Saotomes start laying into each other.] MIKI: Wa...wakaranai. What happened? RUMI: Genma's told me this story many times. It happened on the last training trip Genma took Ranma on...in China, just before he rejoined Nodoka and they went on the same tour as us... [Flashback to:] 10. JUSENKYOU. [Pan across a sky, eventually finding three figures standing in a clearing amongst some mountains. Zoom in on the three figures to reveal that they are Genma and Ranma, both wearing gis, and a bald man dressed as a guide.] RANMA: What, is this it? [He looks out across the various ponds before him. On the parts of ground between them, there are tall poles.] RANMA: This is the 'legendary feared training ground of Jusenkyou'? GENMA: What were you expecting, boy? RANMA: Something other than a bunch of poles and some ponds. You know, as in something that didn't look like it could be put together in the vacant lot at home after a trip to the garden centre. GUIDE: Okyaku-sama! Please do not underestimate this place! [He holds up a sign saying 'Jhusenkyou' in Chinese.] GUIDE: Jusenkyou is very dangerous place to train. RANMA: Yeah, whatever. [Genma points upwards.] GENMA: Nonsense, boy. This place has many... [He is walking forwards while looking upwards. Not a bright thing to do at Jusenkyou.] GUIDE: Okyaku-sama! Please take caution! You could fall into-- [Genma obliviously walks straight into a spring and disappears from sight.] GUIDE: Aaaayyyaaahh! RANMA: What? What happened? It's just a pool! [Guide holds up a sign saying 'shongmaoniichuan' in Chinese.] GUIDE: Honourable father has just walked into shongmaoniichuan. Two thousand years ago, a giant panda drowned in that spring. And since then, anyone else who fall in there... [He trails off as Genma rises up once more. As a panda.] RANMA: ...comes out as a panda. GUIDE: Yes. RANMA: Chikusho. GENMA: GRAAAA! MARF! ROWR! GUIDE: Many apologies - there is no cure. Hot water will change you back, but only until you next get wet--- RANMA: You hear that, Oyaji? This is what you get for coming to weird places that you don't even know what they are! [Genma growls, then leaps onto one of the poles, making 'come and fight me' gestures.] RANMA: Nani? You still want to train? Get real, Oyaji. [Genma looks at him aggressively.] GENMA: GRRAAAAA!! [He leaps down from the pole, taking a flying kick at Ranma. He misses, hitting the ground just by his feet, as Ranma flipped himself into the air anyway to avoid it.] RANMA: Ha! Still too slow, old man. [He whirls in mid-air, realising where his course is taking him.] RANMA: AAAUGGHH! [Down into another spring.] GUIDE: Oh no! Okyaku-sama! [He goes and bobs down by the spring. Holds up a Chinese sign that reads 'Nyanniichuan'.] GUIDE: Okyaku-sama! You just drop yourself into Nyanniichuan - where young girl drown, 1500 years ago. [Onna-Ranma splashes out of the water.] GUIDE: See - you turn into a girl. [Ranma looks about, opens the top of her gi, sees her breasts, and screams.] [End flashback.] 11. STREET WITH RESTAURANT. [We see the door being slammed closed behind Ranma and Genma. The other four are already waiting for them.] [Panda sign: What a brusque fellow.] [Ranma nods.] [Jin and Rumi are walking close to Miki.] RUMI: Miki...you still seem very upset. [Miki, near to tears, stops and has an outburst.] MIKI: I can't take this anymore! I love...I love both of you! Very much! And the thought of having to be separated from either one, I...it just... I don't want it to happen! MIKI [VO]: There. That should do it. [There is a long pause. Rumi and Jin look at each other.] JIN: Oh. Ja, Miki-chan...you won't need to worry about it. MIKI: I won't? [Her parents' new spouses catch up with them, and they stand with their arms around each other. [Yes, Genma's still a panda.]] GENMA: Of course not! RUMI: We've decided to get... NODOKA: ...one big house... JIN: ...and all six of us can live together!! [Miki's eyes start spiralling, and she sways where she stands.] MIKI [Feeble]: How...nice... [She faints. Dissolve.] 12. BEFORE SCHOOL. [Meiko is walking towards the school building, lost in her thoughts.] MIKI [OOV]: Meiko...! [Meiko waits for her friend to catch up with her.] MIKI: Ohayo! MEIKO: Ohayo. How's your new house? You were moving in with your new family over the weekend, weren't...you... [She trails off as she realises Miki is hushing her.] MEIKO: What's wrong? MIKI: It's so embarrassing! You're the only one here who knows about how warped my family is, and I want it to stay that way! MEIKO: Ja...you can trust me! MIKI: My home life might be completely insane, but at least at school I can still be normal. [Ranma-kun (male) walks up behind her.] RANMA: Hey, Miki. [At first, Miki sighs at the handsome vision before her. Then she realises what this actually means, and all but jumps out of her skin.] MIKI: What are you doing here?!! [Ranma shows her his bag.] RANMA: Going to school. What else? MIKI: But...but... RANMA: I know, I didn't expect it either. But Okaasan and Oyaji figured that since I wouldn't be on the road training all the time, it'd be a good idea. MIKI: But why this school? Why not Tomobiki? Or Furinkan? Or Degrassi? [Little laugh] Gomenasai. RANMA: This is the closest one. It doesn't look too bad, I guess... [Miki starts to adopt a look of switched-off panic, with Ginta arrives.] GINTA: Miki! MIKI: Ginta! GINTA: Miki...Na-chan says that since you weren't at practice, there's a few things he wants to go over with you. MIKI: Ee...hai! I'll go now! Mata nee, Meiko-chan! [She follows Ginta away. Ranma stares after them.] MEIKO: Akizuki Meiko. RANMA: Nan? Oh. Saotome Ranma. MEIKO: Miki's told me all about your two families living together. It sounds so great to me! RANMA: Ah, it's not that exciting. [Beat] Who was that? Is he Miki's boyfriend? [They don't notice that the clouds above are looking rather heavy.] MEIKO: No...he was once...kind of, but he dumped her in middle school. They're just friends now. RANMA: Right...and Na-chan? MEIKO: That's Namura-sensei, our teacher! He's a great teacher. In fact, he's very good all round! RANMA: Sooda. [Meiko looks up.] MEIKO: Nee, I think it's about to rain. RANMA: Nani!? Oh, th-- [It does rain. All over Ranma. He changes. Meiko just stands and goggles at her.] RANMA: Ja, well so much for keeping that one a secret. I guess I'd better go and finish registering. Ja ne! [Meiko stares at her as she goes.] MEIKO: Ja...ma...ta. 13. DOORWAY. [From a doorway, Ginta watches as Ranma-chan runs off. His eyes look a little bit glazed over. From his POV, we see someone go up to Meiko.] 14. BEFORE SCHOOL. [Meiko is standing here, getting quite wet. Someone we can't quite make out comes up behind her.] SOMEONE: Sumimasen. MEIKO: Un? SOMEONE: Where's that girl going? MEIKO: What? Oh. She thinks she's going to register, but actually she's headed for the library. [Beat] Never mind, I'm sure someone there can tell her where to go... [Still distracted, she moves off. The figure goes in the direction that Ranma did.] 15. DOORWAY. [Ginta moves back, obviously considering something.] GINTA [VO]: She's...but did she really just change like that? Or was it the light? [Yes, Ginta. The kind of light that makes your entire body structure change.] [Miki emerges from the doorway, evidently having gone over whatever she had to with Na-chan. She notices Ginta's gaze.] MIKI: What's wrong, Ginta? GINTA: Were you with a guy or a girl just now? [Miki thinks [amazingly enough], then decides to dodge the issue.] MIKI: Meiko's a girl. You know that! [Laughs] [Ginta is about to ask again when he notices a newcomer. They're not quite in shot. They tap Miki on the shoulder.] MIKI: Hai? [They point to where Ranma is disappearing into the library.] SOMEONE ELSE:That is Saotome Ranma? MIKI: Hai. SOMEONE ELSE [Self]: Finally...good thing! [They go.] 16. LIBRARY. [Ranma enters the library, trying to shake herself dry.] RANMA: Man...stupid martial arts training. I should have gone into video instead... [She walks on for a bit, then realises she is surrounded by books.] RANMA: Hmm...somehow I don't think this is reception. I'll just have to ask someone the way. [She turns to find herself face-to-arm with a long-haired youth leaning against the bookcase.] RANMA: Aa! MIWA: Hey...why don't you ask me the way? [Ranma starts to fume, as she quickly realises what the guy wants.] RANMA: I'll manage! [She tries to move around him, but somehow he's already there.] MIWA: Oh, I'm sure you'd at least like a tour of the school. Then maybe of a movie theatre... [Ranma steps right back and tries to overcome the sheer futility of her next statement.] RANMA: Listen!! I'm a guy! [Miwa smiles.] MIWA: Hey! We've got something in common, then! [Ranma notices the figure emerging from behind one end of the bookcase.] SOMEONE ELSE:You stop there! [Judging from Miwa's reaction, she turns to see someone come out from the other end, as well.] SOMEONE: What do you think you're doing with my fiance? [On Miwa's justifiably surprised reaction.] END CREDITS. [Over which is played Platonic Tsuranuite.] Written and created by URAC SIGMA Based on Marmalade Boy created by YOSHIZUMI WATARU and Ranma 1/2 created by TAKAHASHI RUMIKO (c) Recycadelic Cacti Productions MCMXCVII AUTHOR'S NOTES 'You're evil.' 'Have you considered professional help?' 'Oh my GOD.' These were just some of the reactions doing the rounds when I first put the teaser for this series out. For those of you who don't know, Mustard Girl is a what-if fanfic that combines two anime series: Marmalade Boy and Ranma 1/2. Basically, I'd decided while writing Narrabundah 1/2 that I wanted to write a 'real' Ranma fanfic, and that I also wanted to be one of that small percentage of fanfic authors who writes about a series other than Ranma. So I did both. A few notes here: 1) It's probably become obvious by now that Nodoka, in this timeline, knows full well of Ranma's curse. I considered having him still trying to hide it even as he was always living with her, but the more I looked at it, the less viable it seemed for long-term use. I think we just have to assume that this Genma was never made to promise to raise Ranma like a man. 2) This episode is terribly derivative of the first episode of Marmalade Boy. Basically, as it had to set up mostly the same kind of thing (and I wanted it to at least initially focus on Miki), this was nigh on unavoidable. Now that the Saotomes are settling in, things should start going all kinds of places. 3) Where does the title come from? In one episode of Marmalade Boy, Miki deduces that Yuu is worthy of being called 'Marmalade Boy'. Stunned by the inescapable logic of this, Yuu returns that Miki must thereby be 'Mustard Girl'. As Yuu isn't in this fic, we're left not with a Marmalade Boy, but a Mustard Girl... 4) This one isn't going to even pretend to follow a weekly schedule like Narrabundah does. At the time of writing, I'm not even entirely sure if it'll be me that does the next episode. 5) Yes, Miwa is that long-haired guy. We all knew he had to have a name. Ja ne, Urac Sigma Canberra, June 1997 A Marmalade Boy/Ranma 1/2 alternate history crossover MUSTARD GIRL Episode #2 Otoko tai Onna. Iinazuke wa Dare desuka? by Urac Sigma CAST OF CHARACTERS SAOTOME RANMA Man among women KOISHIKAWA MIKI Neurotic schoolgirl MIWA SATOSHI Ladies man SOUO GINTA Anal maniac (well, he's in love with an arsehole) NAMURA SHINICHI The cool teacher AKIZUKI MEIKO The sane one SAOTOME GENMA Father figure SAOTOME NODOKA Mother figure KOISHIKAWA RUMI Other mother figure KOISHIKAWA JIN Er...another father Those TWO PEOPLE we met last time THE HEADMASTER Another surprise A VILLAGER TITLE SEQUENCE. [With Koi o Wakaranai.] 1. LIBRARY. [With the typical Marmalade Boy this-is-what- happened-last-episode music, we pick up from the last scene of episode 1...] MIWA: Oh, I'm sure you'd at least like a tour of the school. Then maybe of a movie theatre... [Ranma steps right back and tries to overcome the sheer futility of her next statement.] RANMA: Listen!! I'm a guy! [Miwa smiles.] MIWA: Hey! We've got something in common, then! [Ranma notices the figure emerging from behind one end of the bookcase.] SOMEONE ELSE:You stop there! [Judging from Miwa's reaction, she turns to see someone come out from the other end, as well.] SOMEONE: What do you think you're doing with my fiancˇ? [On Miwa's justifiably surprised reaction.] ART CARD. [With Ranma 1/2's episode-title jingle.] MEIKO [VO]: Otoko tai Onna. Iinazuke wa Dare desuka? 1 (Continued). MIWA: Wow. An engaged lesbian who thinks she's a man. I sure know how to pick them. [Ranma turns to glare at him.] RANMA: Urusai! I'm not a lesbian! I'm not engaged either! I'm not even a girl! [Both she and Miwa let their gaze sink to her chest.] MIWA: Then puberty sure was bad to you. [Ranma thumps him against the bookshelf and he falls to the ground. She turns to face 'Someone Else'. She turns out to be a girl of about nineteen, with lots of purple hair and a white Chinese jumpsuit.] RANMA: I know you, right...? SHAMPOO: No you can forget! Shampoo is Shampoo! [She looks over her shoulder to 'Someone'. This one is a young lady about the same age as Ranma, long brown hair, royal blue tunic with 'suki' kanji all over it, and a collection of small spatulas culminating in an absolutely huge one on her back. Ukyou.] RANMA: I've never seen you before. [This seems to ire her. A lot.] UKYOU: 'Never seen'?! You bastard! [She whips a spatula from her collection and throws it at Ranma. Ranma ducks it, and it almost hits Shampoo.] SHAMPOO: Hey! Careful temper! UKYOU: Sorry. RANMA: Who are you, then? UKYOU: Kuonji... Kuonji Ukyou. Ring any bells, Ranchan? [Miwa is getting to his feet.] RANMA: Kuonji...? MIWA: Say, do you mind if I ask-- RANMA: What's your name? MIWA: Miwa Satoshi. RANMA: Ja, Miwa-san...run!! [They take off at a high speed, ducking past Ukyou and away.] SHAMPOO: Hey...! [Ukyou is visibly upset.] UKYOU: He didn't even remember me... SHAMPOO: We worry about that later! After Ranma now! [They go in the wake of Miwa and Ranma.] 2. CORRIDOR. [Ginta has joined Meiko and Miki, and the three of them walk along the corridor. Meiko carries a kettle. Meiko and Miki are talking about something, but we focus on Ginta's thoughts.] GINTA [VO]: I'm sure I saw a girl there...but the only person I saw before was that guy with the red top. But... GINTA: Miki, who's Saotome Ranma? [Miki stops, a look of bizarre alarm on her face.] MIKI: He's...he's...just some guy who I don't really know well at all. I think...[inspiration!] I think he lives near me, so if he ever comes to school by the same route as me, then...that's why! It's just a coincidence!! GINTA: Aa...sooka. GINTA [VO]: 'Some guy'. But didn't Miki tell that strange woman that Saotome Ranma was a girl? [His head starts to spin.] GINTA: Maybe I just shouldn't worry about it. MIKI: Un? GINTA: Aaa...nothing. Uh, I have to go. Ja! MIKI & MEIKO:Mata n'! [Miki watches him go.] MIKI: He's still so nice to me. But if he likes me so much, why did he drop me? I still like him. But...then there's...Ranma. [Looks disappointed with herself for even daring to fancy a hydro-induced physiotranssexual. Realises something.] MIKI: N', Meiko, why are you carrying a kettle? MEIKO: I have a feeling it might come in useful before long... [For once, Miki looks justifiably confused.] 3. STAIRWELL. [Ranma and Miwa run up the stairs. Ginta has to leap out of the way. He looks after them.] GINTA [VO]: That girl again...it's definitely a girl, but she's dressed in the same Chinese stuff as Ranma was. SHAMPOO [OOV]: Stop now! [Ginta gets floored by Shampoo and Ukyou charging up the stairs.] GINTA: I get the feeling this isn't the first time something like this will happen. [A small distance away from him, Miwa comes to a halt, puffed.] MIWA: What am I running for? [Pant] It's her they want... [Pant] [He straightens up and looks proud.] MIWA: Besides, what am I doing running away from women?! [Ginta sees this and face-faults.] 4. CORRIDOR. [Ranma charges down, seeing Miki and Meiko at the end of the corridor.] MIKI [Calls]:N'! You're not supposed to run in the hall! [Ranma is reaching them as...] RANMA: I'll risk it! [She pauses for breath a moment. Her bust is troubling her.] RANMA: Chikusho...! These things are a nuisance! [Miki blushes and looks angry.] MIKI [VO]: How can he be so crude about her own body!? [Ranma starts to run again, but Meiko grabs her arm.] RANMA: Meiko! I've gotta-- MEIKO: Ranma. [She tips the contents of the kettle over Ranma's head, and she changes. Ranma looks stunned.] MEIKO: Better now? [Miki and Ranma just splutter at her.] RANMA: A...a...you know about Jusenkyou curses? MEIKO: I'm in the literature club...I spend a lot of time in the library. I've read about all kinds of things! MIKI: And you don't think it's weird? [Meiko glares at her.] MEIKO [Deadpan]: Well, you can talk. Your parents swapped with another couple. [Miki fumes. She's not having the best of days. She snaps at Ranma.] MIKI: Why are those girls chasing you?! [Meiko looks down the corridor.] MEIKO: Maybe we should worry about that later...look! [The three of them disappear into a convenient classroom. Ukyou storms down the corridor, looks around, but doesn't see anything. She turns back the way she came.] 5. STAIRWELL. [Ukyou returns just as Shampoo does the same from the opposite direction. Miwa is still here.] UKYOU: They've gone. SHAMPOO: Shampoo no can find them too. [She rounds on Miwa.] SHAMPOO: You tell Shampoo!! Where is Ranma? [She grabs him and holds him against the wall by his throat.] MIWA [Choking]: I don't know... SHAMPOO: You lie! Where you hide him? MIWA [Choking]: [Gack!] HIM? She looked-- [erk] I mean, I really don't know-- uhh... SHAMPOO: Me can hurt you! [Ukyou gently taps Shampoo on the shoulder with a spatula.] UKYOU: Y'know, sugar, most likely he really doesn't know anything about this... [Shampoo reluctantly lets him go. He gasps and rubs his neck.] MIWA: Uhh...thank you... [He smiles That Miwa Smile.] MIWA: You know, you're kind of pretty when you're psychotic. UKYOU: I'm sorry about my friend... she gets a bit worked up when it comes to matters like this... You see, me and Shampoo - we've both got a bit of beefbowl to settle with Saotome Ranma... MIWA: Sure looked like it. What the heck did this...person...do to you? UKYOU: In my case, nothing. And there's the problem... [Dissolve.] 6. EMPTY CLASSROOM. [How strange. No-one seems to be needing to do any schooling today. Oh, well...] [It's not entirely empty, though. Miki and Meiko are sitting on desks, watching a pacing Ranma.] RANMA: I just don't get it. I don't think I did anything to Kuonji Ukyou. MIKI: You're not sure? RANMA: I was only five when I knew him! [He stops and looks up.] RANMA: And he was a him! MEIKO: Maybe he still is. MIKI: Nani? You think he's... [She blushes.] RANMA: I think she means that Ukyou could have fallen into the same pool I did, Miki. MIKI: Oh. RANMA: But that's not what I'm worrying about now. What did I do to him to piss him off so much? And his...her...fiancˇ?! [That doesn't help Miki's mood much.] MIKI: Maybe you should try to remember! Maybe this marriage thing is all a mistake! RANMA: You could be right. I hope you're right... [He remembers. Flashback to:] 7. ROADSIDE. [Genma is here, as is a much younger Ranma [as in, age five or so]. Both are wearing gis, walking down a dirt path in the countryside.] RANMA [VO]: I met him on the first training trip my dad took me on. His dad had...an okonomiyaki yatai. [Genma and little Ranma arrive at a food cart. An Ukyou (who does look like a boy, but in a five-year-old-girl kind of way) of the same age as Ranma is there.] RANMA [VO]: We used to get food from him all the time. Ucchan and I used to get on great. [Young Ukyou and Young Ranma start arsing about together.] RANMA [VO]: And he was a real good chef, even though he was only five. [Young Ukyou leaps up to the griddle on the yatai, then brings a lovely-looking okonomiyaki down for Ranma. Before giving it over to him, she draws a big love-heart on it in okonomiyaki sauce. He takes to it happily.] RANMA [VO]: He tried to teach me to do it, but it never quite worked. [Young Ranma now leaps up to the griddle and brings down his creation: a five-centimetre thick chunk of blackness.] RANMA [VO]: Gotta admit, though, he was always real nice about it. [As Ranma happily eats his okonomiyaki from Ukyou, Ukyou puts Ranma's creation to her lips, bites, and pulls back to reveal a missing tooth. She smiles at Ranma, then, while Ranma is looking down to eat, throws it away.] [End flashback.] 8. EMPTY-ISH CLASSROOM. RANMA: Then one day he just went away. Oyaji never did say where he went. So I don't know what could have happened! 9. STAIRWELL. [Miwa, Ukyou and Shampoo are still here. Shampoo is off in the background, yawning while Ukyou talks to Miwa.] UKYOU: Saotome Ranma betrayed me, that's what happened! [Flashback to:] 10. ROADSIDE. [Younger versions of Ukyou and Ranma playing like before.] UKYOU [VO]: All that time that we were playing together, I was in love with Ranchan, and I knew it. So, I told my dad this...and he offered to propose marriage to Ranma for me, giving the yatai as a dowry. He did, and they took the yatai... [Young Ranma gets up and leaves the picture.] UKYOU [VO]: ...but after they took their yatai, Ranma never came back! [End flashback.] 11. STAIRWELL. UKYOU: He took my heart and fried it in a savoury batter, then left it out for the dogs!! [Tears are now very much in her eyes. At the batter remark, Miwa casts a 'What the heck?' glance at Shampoo, which she returns with a 'she always does that' one.] MIWA [VO]: This Ranma is one heavy guy...or chick...or whatever...I need to find out all I can about her...even if she is really a guy, I bet her female side still gets lonely... [He looks over at Shampoo.] MIWA [VO]: Or, better yet, this Shampoo girl might learn to get over him...but why does she want him, for that matter? MIWA: So where do you fit into all this? I know you both want to marry him, but doesn't that mean you should fight each other? SHAMPOO: That all change when Ukyou come to my village... [Flashback to:] 12. EDGE OF VILLAGE. [We see a figure approaching a group of huts that marks the start of the village of Chinese Amazons. As we draw closer, we can see that is Ukyou, dressed and bound to look like a male.] UKYOU [VO]: Right. By this time I was sixteen - and I'd been living as a boy. After what Ranma had done to me, I couldn't bear life as a girl for a very long time... I'd started tracking Ranchan down, and I'd got as far as a particular region of China... [As the flashback-Ukyou approaches, one of the village women calls out to her in Mandarin.] VILLAGER: Hey, you! Outsider! Who are you? What do you want here? [Ukyou stares at her blankly.] UKYOU: I'm sorry...I don't speak much...Mandarin? Cantonese? French? Do you speak Japanese? VILLAGER: You're quite welcome to pay a visit, stranger, but we need to know what you want! UKYOU: Gomenasai...wakarimasen...[slowly and patronisingly] I'm looking for Saotome Ranma. Has he-- SHAMPOO [OOV]: Saotome Ranma?! Who dares utter that name in my presence?? [Shampoo launches forth from the distance, and comes to a landing before Ukyou.] SHAMPOO: That foul scoundrel has thoroughly humiliated me before my entire village, so if you've got anything to do with her, I want to hear about it! UKYOU: Ranma...is...my...fiancˇ! SHAMPOO: Ranma what? I'm terribly sorry, old bean, but I can't understand a dashed word you're saying. [Ukyou pulls a phrasebook from a pocket in her backpack and flips through it.] UKYOU: Me...marry! [This enrages Shampoo.] SHAMPOO: You want to marry me? I must say, old chap, I admire your pluck, seeing as we've just met and all that - but I'll only stand for it if you come by the rules of our village - and best me in combat!! [She leaps at Ukyou and tackles her to the ground. Ukyou only just manages to get free and drop her pack. She looks at the phrasebook.] UKYOU: Blankety-blank two-hundred-yen piece of rubbish!! [She throws it away. She grabs a spatula and turns for the next Shampoo attack, but she's too off-guard to start with, and the pack and book have only made it worse. When she tries to throw the spatula, Shampoo flicks it back at her, throws her own bonbori to knock her to the ground. Grabbing her weapon once more, Shampoo dives in for the crushing blow...] NEW VOICE: WAIT!! [Ukyou slowly opens her eyes to see that she is not being pounded, after all. Shampoo's blow has been held in check by a small, very old looking woman holding a stick against the younger Amazon's wrist.] SHAMPOO: Now hang on a moment, great-grandmother, what is it you're playing at? [Her great-grandmother, Cologne, looks up at her.] COLOGNE: Even though ignorance of our traditions is no excuse for anything, Shampoo, I think these might be considered mitigating circumstances. Look! [Cologne points. Ukyou and Shampoo both look and see that the deflected spatula damaged both Ukyou's shirt and her binding, and while she's not exactly all on display, breasts are certainly in evidence.] SHAMPOO: Another girl wanted to marry me? That doesn't happen very often. COLOGNE: [Sigh] Child, I can understand everything our guest has been saying. She doesn't want to marry you at all. [To Ukyou] Can you stand, stranger? [Ukyou, relieved to be hearing Japanese, nods and gets to her feet.] COLOGNE: Then I suggest you come with me. We have a lot of talking to do. [Cologne and Ukyou move off. Shampoo stares after them for a second.] SHAMPOO: What's the problem? Why doesn't she want to marry me? What's wrong with me?? [Her ego bruised, she turns to the other villager.] SHAMPOO: You would, wouldn't you? You'd marry me if you liked girls, wouldn't you? [The villager says nothing, just walks away. Shampoo humphs and stalks off after Cologne and Ukyou. Dissolve.] 13. COLOGNE'S HUT. [Shampoo watches as Cologne is talking to Ukyou.] UKYOU [VO]: Shampoo's great-grandmother told me about the Saotome Ranma they'd met - but they'd met a girl... COLOGNE: ...then, after she and her panda had eaten all the food that was to be the prize for the contest, she and Shampoo fought - if Ranma won, then the food would have been hers anyway. UKYOU: And did she win? COLOGNE: Ranma? Oh yes. But to be defeated by an outsider was a great humiliation for Shampoo, and so Shampoo gave her the kiss of death. With no prior arrangement or proposal before the fight, Shampoo is now pledged to kill the girl known as Saotome Ranma. UKYOU: But Ranma's a boy! I told you that! SHAMPOO: Have you got around to mentioning the fact that her Ranma is a chap, and ours is a girl yet? COLOGNE: Shampoo, practice your Japanese. SHAMPOO: Watashi wa otearai no terebi o tabetaidesu. [Ukyou stares at her blankly.] SHAMPOO: Fluffy pink gerbils I like to polish. COLOGNE: Shampoo? SHAMPOO: Yes, great-grandmother? COLOGNE: Go home and practice your Japanese. SHAMPOO: Yes, great-grandmother. [Shampoo leaves.] UKYOU: Ja, whatever you said, it doesn't change the fact that you think Ranma's a girl, whereas I know he's a boy. COLOGNE: But there's one fact that both you and Shampoo haven't considered. UKYOU: Oh? And what's that? COLOGNE: Less than a day's travel from here is the legendary training ground called Jhusenkyou. That place is covered in cursed springs - and whoever falls in them today is cursed to take on the form of whoever or whatever drowned in there to curse the pool centuries ago. One of the biggest pools in Nyannichuan, where a young girl drowned about a millennium and a half before now...if this Ranma is the dedicated martial- artist you say he is... [Ukyou snaps her fingers.] UKYOU: Then he could have fallen in there, and now he's a girl! [Cologne nods.] COLOGNE: Some of the time, anyway. But what to do? If Ranma is really a man, this changes things for Shampoo. UKYOU: It does? COLOGNE: Yes. You see, for an unprepared woman-to-woman fight, what Shampoo did is a pledge to kill...but if she was defeated in combat by a man...then she must take his hand in marriage! UKYOU: What? But I'm engaged to Ranma! I've got to marry him! For my family, for my honour! COLOGNE: I know...and your claim by far predates Shampoo's... [There is a long pause while Cologne thinks, then:] COLOGNE [Calls]: Shampoo! [Shampoo comes running back in.] SHAMPOO: Yes, great-grandmother? COLOGNE: Shampoo, I suggest you practice your Japanese a lot - you're going to need it where you're going! SHAMPOO: Great-grandmother? UKYOU: What's going on? What are you saying to her? [She reaches for a spatula, but Cologne waves her down.] COLOGNE: Stay your hand, visitor. I have decided the perfect solution for both of you. UKYOU: You have, huh? COLOGNE: Have respect, child, I could have just saved both your lives. [Beat] While both of your claims are valid and honourable, neither of them state exclusivity. My decision is that you and Shampoo join forces - and you both marry Saotome Ranma! [End flashback.] 14. STAIRWELL. MIWA: And you did this? UKYOU: Well, I didn't like it at first... SHAMPOO: ...but no can argue with great-grandmother! UKYOU: She's right, you no can. Er, can't. [Silence. Then Miwa turns to Shampoo.] MIWA: Well, if you get tired of having someone you have to share, I'm always around... [Shampoo growls, and Miwa just manages to duck aside as a bonbori thumps into the wall behind where his head was. And just at that point, who should round the corner but Na-chan.] NA-CHAN: Oi!! [All three turn to look at him.] NA-CHAN: Now, I don't really mind that you girls are out of uniform, but trying to beat up the class president, and damaging school walls is too much even for me to overlook! [He steps forward, gentle yet scary.] NA-CHAN: I think we need to take a trek...to the Headmaster's office! 15. CORRIDOR. [Miki, Meiko and Ranma are walking down the corridor.] MIKI [Almost-successfully-covered jealousy]: What's with the 'Ucchan', anyway? RANMA: I used to call him that. It was like we had pet names for each other...Ucchan and Ranchan... MIKI [VO]: That's so sweet... [She catches herself, and the background turns into a rainbow swirly thing.] MIKI [VO]: What am I doing? He can't be sweet! He's already said no to helping me turn our families back to normal! He's a sign of everything that's wrong with my life! [Yes, the crap personality and inability to make logical connections can be directly and retrospectively attributed to Ranma.] MEIKO [OOV]: I think I've worked it out. [Miki snaps back to that thing she calls reality.] MIKI: Worked what out, Meiko-chan? MEIKO: Why Ukyou's a she instead of a he. RANMA: Ja, if he's been tracking me, I suppose he could have gone to Jusenkyou... MEIKO: Or...try this, Ranma-kun...have you ever seen a girl our age, with short hair and wearing the right clothes, and thought she looked 'boyish'? RANMA: Yeah, but I don't see where this is going. [Miki's brain clicks into place.] MIKI: Wait! I do! So if a really young girl did it... MEIKO: ...to a really young boy... RANMA: Are you trying to tell me she's been a girl all along? MEIKO: It would make sense. MIKI: Especially if she thinks you're engaged! RANMA: Y'know, somehow parts of this are starting to make sense... 16. HEADMASTER'S OFFICE. [Shampoo and Ukyou are here, right before the desk. Na-chan and Miwa are also in the room. Behind the desk is the headmaster: an ex- military man with a moustache and an English accent: Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge- Stewart. He gets up and goes over to the girls as if he's inspecting the troops.] THE BRIGADIER: Now, I was all ready to send letters home to your parents, but now you tell me that neither of you actually go to this school! Which means that not only were you assaulting one of my students - something I do not take lightly - but you were also trespassing and vandalising my school! Can you give me even one good reason why I shouldn't call the police? [Both girls, despite any pluck they might have, stare at their feet.] THE BRIGADIER: Hm? Answer me! UKYOU: [Mumbles something] THE BRIGADIER: Come again? SHAMPOO [Sheepish]: It a personal matter. [The Brigadier softens slightly and allows himself a smile.] THE BRIGADIER: Young love, eh? UKYOU: Sir? THE BRIGADIER: Oh, I might have a few years under my belt, but I can still remember what it's like to be young...the school's certainly insured, and I'm more than a little familiar with the impetuousness of youth. [A bit sterner] I think that if you can assure me I won't see you trespassing around here again, we might be able to call it a day. [He looks over at Miwa, who shrugs: he got to hit on a pretty Chinese girl, so he's happy.] UKYOU & SHAMPOO: Thank you, sir. 17. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE HEADMASTER'S OFFICE. [It's this corridor that Miki, Meiko and Ranma are heading down. Ginta appears at the end of the corridor, behind them, and quickens his pace to catch up. The door to the office opens, and Shampoo and Ukyou shuffle out to see the others. It takes a moment of recognition of Ranma-kun, but...] UKYOU: Ranchan! SHAMPOO: Wode airen - you come here! [Ranma tries to spin for a quick escape, but gets taken aback by...] MIKI: Wait! You can't do anything to him! SHAMPOO: Why wet-look-hair girl say that? MIKI: Because...han...because...I'm Ranma's real fiancˇ! [Now everyone looks surprised. Ginta sees this from where he is, and snaps.] GINTA: NOO!!!! [He runs to catch up with everyone.] RANMA: What're you doin', Miki? UKYOU: Nice try, sugar, but we ain't buying it. [Shampoo brandishes her bonbori.] SHAMPOO: Should keep out of things that no concern you! Or could get hurt! GINTA: Hey! Don't you touch Miki!! [Rounds on Ranma] And what the hell do you think you're doing?? RANMA: Me??? [Ukyou spatulas Ginta.] UKYOU: Don't be rude to my future husband! [Miwa comes from the office. He turns to Shampoo.] MIWA: Still want to marry this guy? I've got a vacancy for a wife. SHAMPOO: Shampoo can tell you which vacancy you can fill! MIKI: Hey! SHAMPOO: Didn't Shampoo tell to be quiet?! [Etc, etc...pretty soon there's a full-scale argument/brawl going on outside the office. No- one really notices when Na-chan emerges from the office and leaves. After a moment, Meiko does too. Then, it's bad news as the next blow exchanged hits the emerging Brigadier. They realise his presence, and stop.] THE BRIGADIER [Slow menace]:You...are...all...on...detention. UKYOU: But we told you! Shampoo and I don't even go to this school! THE BRIGADIER: I DON'T CARE!!! [Dissolve.] 18. DETENTION ROOM. [As the Brigadier watches over them, we see Ginta, Miki, Shampoo, Miwa and Ukyou sitting sulking at desks. A trip up the back of the room takes us to Ranma.] RANMA [VO]: Engagement...what kinda crap is this...I think a certain father's going to have to explain himself when I get home... [We move up to Ginta.] GINTA [VO]: Damn Saotome...this is all his fault. What's he want with Miki. I want to hurt him...but he...and that girl... [He sighs and slumps his head onto the desk. Dissolve.] 19. LIVING ROOM. [We haven't seen the living room of the new Saotome-Koishikawa house before, but here it is. We open on Nodoka, Rumi and Jin around the table. There is an enormous crash, but no-one so much as looks up. Obviously this kind of thing happens all the time. We pan across the room to Ranma angrily walking away from the source of the noise. Genma the panda is half-buried under a filing cabinet, holding up a sign that says 'Oh, THAT.'] 20. ABANDONED SHOP. [This is evidently the base of operations for Shampoo and Ukyou. They walk in.] UKYOU: Shampoo, do you think that that brunette really is another fiancˇ of Ranma's. [Shampoo just turns and looks at her.] UKYOU: No, I didn't think so either. SHAMPOO: No worry about her. She no be any threat to us. We might get setback today, but soon... [They link hands in solidarity.] SHAMPOO & UKYOU: ...Saotome Ranma will be ours! 21. MIKI'S BEDROOM. [Miki is writing in her diary.] MIKI [VO]: Maybe Ranma isn't so bad after all...he did try to stop me getting hurt in the fight...but what am I to do? If he's around, that means his parents are around, which means that they're still going to marry my parents! And I don't want that! Not at all! It's sick!! Weird!!! [She goes nuts writing 'hen' over and over again in her diary.] 22. UPSTAIRS HALL. [Jin stops Ranma as he walks through.] JIN: Ranma-kun? RANMA: Jin-san? JIN: Miki's been in her room ever since you came home. Did something happen at school today? [Ranma tries to think: after all, this kind of day isn't so weird for him.] RANMA: Jaaa.... JIN: Maybe you should talk to her about it. [Rumi mysteriously is suddenly behind him.] RUMI: We both think it's very important that you get along! [Ranma almost jumps out of his skin at her appearance, but calms down and nods.] RANMA: I guess so... [Jin and Rumi move on.] RANMA [VO]: I guess I should thank her for what she did today...but it was such a dumb thing to do! It didn't concern her! But Okaasan could be right, she's a weird, mixed-up kid. That must've been such a big thing for her... [beat] Does that mean...? [beat] Oh, this is weird. Maybe I should just swallow my pride, go in there and tell her exactly what she did and what it must have meant. [Beat] Ee, that's it... [He reaches for the doorknob.] RANMA [VO]: But then... 23. MIKI'S BEDROOM. [Miki is lying back on her bed.] MIKI [VO]: But when Ranma was describing himself and Ukyou as kids...when they were Ranchan and Ucchan...I almost felt like...like I was missing out on something... [A knock on the door.] MIKI: Un? [The door opens, and Ranma enters.] RANMA [VO]: Get on with it, Saotome! Just tell her exactly what you were thinking. She's only the girl who lives with you - it's not like she's some insane martial-arts toilet-cleaner out for your blood or anything... Thank her for today, even if it didn't do anything! Jeez, self! Just tell her the full story! RANMA: Uh...thanks. [He retreats, and closes the door. Miki leans back on the bed, a slight smile on her face.] MIKI [VO]: Poor boy...I already know what he's like...that must've been so hard for him. [She smiles a bit more. Fade out.] END CREDITS. Written and created by URAC SIGMA Based on Marmalade Boy created by YOSHIZUMI WATARU MIKI [VO, dreamy]:Ucchan...Ranchan...Micchan... and Ranma 1/2 created by TAKAHASHI RUMIKO http://members.tripod.com/~Ratbat/mustard.html (c) Recycadelic Cacti Productions MCMXCVII AUTHOR'S NOTES This, needless to say, is the second episode of the Ranma 1/2/Marmalade Boy crossover fanfic, Mustard Girl. Sorry that this episode is mostly flashbacks, but what else can you expect from a Marmalade Boy series? Next episode, though, I promise we'll be quite firmly in the present. As for the Brigadier from Doctor Who being the headmaster, well...at the point of Marmalade Boy I've seen up to, the principal of the school is yet to receive a name. When I was watching it, however, I noted with glee to someone that he looked a lot like the Brig, who happened to become a teacher after he retired...and what the smeg, it's my fanfic and it can't hurt the story any. Another note I wanted to add was about the speech patterns of the various characters. Ranma characters' English dialects come from a number of sources (subbed anime, dubbed anime, translated manga, other fanfics, etc, etc), and so it isn't much of a problem to find a constant. However, with the Marmalade Boy characters, my only real exposure has been to the Tomodachi Anime fansubs - so when they speak English (or at least, when they speak Japaneigo), they have what I can only refer to as a 'Karen Duffy accent'! Ja ne, Urac Sigma Canberra, October 1997 -- +---------------------------------------------------------------------+ | Urac 'Ratbat' Sigma, the Green Flame E-mail: ratbat@rocketmail.com | | To the Ratcave! http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/1778 | +---------------------------------------------------------------------+