Ratbat A side story to the Marmalade Boy/Ranma 1/2 alternate history crossover MUSTARD GIRL Side story #1 by Urac Sigma AUTHOR'S NOTES (1) As longer-standing followers of Mustard Girl will know, in this timeline, Koishikawa Miki's parents swapped not with those of Matsuura Yuu, but those of Saotome Ranma. But if the Koishikawas are now off to marry the Saotomes, where does that leave the original Marmalade Boy? Read and find out... 1. STREET. [It's a nice sunny day. Walking down the street is the youthful good-looking blonde known as Matsuura Yuu. He is dressed in his school uniform, and carries his schoolbag. He's in no hurry.] 2. OUTSIDE MATSUURA HOME. [We see Yuu's mother, Chiyako, waiting at the door, looking more than slightly worried. Yuu, approaching, sees her, then quickens his pace as he gets near enough to see her expression. Chiyako leans into the house.] CHIYAKO: Youji! He's here! [Her husband Youji emerges. Yuu arrives on the doorstep.] YUU: Tadai-- [He is cut off as Chiyako embraces him.] CHIYAKO: Yuu! Thank Goodness you're home! [They separate, and Yuu notices his parents' worry.] YUU: Okaasan? Otoosan? What is it? What's wrong? [Youji looks a bit confused.] YOUJI: Haven't you heard, Yuu-kun? CHIYAKO: Where have you been? YUU: At school. [Bewildered] Heard what? What's happened? YOUJI: Let's go inside. [The two of them lead the nonplussed Yuu in.] 3. MATSUURA LIVING ROOM. [On the door to the hall, we see Youji and Chiyako lead Yuu in. As soon as Yuu looks to the centre of the room, he stops dead and gapes.] [Cut to the rest of the room. Seated awkwardly on one of the sofas is a large man with horns wearing a tiger-striped jumpsuit.] YOUJI: Yuu-kun, this is...Invader-san. [Picture freezes.] [TITLE CAPTION: A Mustard Girl side story URUSEI MATSUURA ] [Unfreeze. Back on Yuu, who is showing as much surprise as he can (that is, he looks like any other person does when they're reasonably bemused). With no other option, he bows a greeting.] YUU: Ha...hajimemashite. [Invader bobs his head in return.] INVADER: Nice to meet ya, boy. Invader's the name. [He reaches into his jumpsuit and pulls out his card, which is the size of a gaming board. He hands it to Yuu, showing that it bears some alien writing and childish picture of Invader- san. Yuu looks at it for a moment, then tries to put it in his pocket before realising that'll never work and placing it on the table. He looks up at Invader, then back at his parents.] YUU: Ano...how does this concern me? ANOTHER VOICE: It concerns you, Matsuura Yuu... [Yuu turns to face one of the other sofas. Sitting next to his brown-school-uniformed cousin Yui (who, with her blonde hair, doesn't look unlike Yuu himself), there is a hitherto unnoticed man in a black trenchcoat.] TRENCHCOAT: ...because the fate of the planet Earth lies in your hands! [Yuu just blinks: What's he talking about?] YUU: The fate of the planet? YUI: You should listen, Yuu-kun. It's all true. TRENCHCOAT: Invader-san represents a race of aliens called Oni. They would invade out planet en masse were it not for one condition. INVADER: Our computers randomly chose an Earthling to meet our challenge. [Yuu starts to realise that these people really are speaking the truth.] YUU: Challenge? What kind of challenge? INVADER: The national sport of our planet. YUU: Aa...and what's your national sport? [Actually gets a bit worried. Yuu doesn't do that often, but then he isn't often being faced down by an alien about four times his own mass threatening to ravage his homeworld.] Fire-wrestling? Laser duels? [Invader looks worried.] INVADER: Hell! No, nothing like that. [Wipes his brow.] Sheesh, what kinda planet do you run here? [Yui looks almost amused as she announces the next bit...] YUI: Their national sport is tag. [Yuu sighs heavily, in his patented 'It's so hard being the only sensible person in the country' way.] YUU: Tag. [The guy in the trenchcoat nods.] TRENCHCOAT: Tag. [Yuu sighs again.] YUU: OK. So, in order to save the planet, I have to beat you at tag. INVADER: Not quite. [There is a rumble from outside.] INVADER: Ah, that should be your opponent now... 4. SKY. [The clouds swirl together to form a sort of whirlpool, which then spins violently until is creating a kind of 'hole'. From this, a large bolt of light shoots out and aims itself right at the side of the Matsuura house.] 5. MATSUURA LIVING ROOM. [The beam smashes a hole in the wall, kicking up a lot of dust, smoke and light. When it clears, there is a shapely female of about Yuu and Yui's age and height, with long green hair, the same horns as Invader-san, and a tiger-striped bikini with matching boots.] INVADER: My daughter Lum. Lum, you'll be playing tag against this boy here. [Points a massive finger at Yuu.] LUM: Pleased to meet you-cha! [Yui, Chiyako, Youji and Yuu are just looking at her.] CHIYAKO, YOUJI, YUU & YUI: Konnichiwa. INVADER: You'll have a daily tag session every day for ten days. If you manage to catch Lum by the horns... [Lum bends over and obligingly points to her horns. Yui curiously fingers them.] INVADER: ...then we leave Earth in peace. If not... [Lum walks over to a globe on a side-table and slaps a sticker on it that reads 'PROPERTY OF THE ONI'.] TRENCHCOAT: The contest will begin tomorrow. [He and Invader make for the hole in the wall.] TRENCHCOAT: Good evening. [He touches the brim of his hat, and they leave. Lum goes over to Yuu and pecks him on the cheek.] LUM: See you tomorrow, Yuu-san-cha! [And she leaves too. After a moment, Invader pokes his head back through the hole.] INVADER: Oh. Thank you for the tea. [And he's gone again. Everyone is silent. Youji regards the hole in the wall.] YOUJI: I think I might need some spakfilla. [Dissolve.] 6. HIGH STREET. [The next day. An establishing shot shows that the road has been cordoned off, and that quite a crowd has turned out to see their planet get saved. A red-faced piscine dappa monster paces before the crowd with a tray around his neck, selling choc-ices. Yuu (wearing running gear) and Lum stand slightly apart from each other in the middle of the street. Youji is talking to Yuu.] YOUJI: You think you'll be able to manage this, Yuu- kun? [Yuu looks over at Lum limbering up.] YUU: She looks pretty good...but I'm fairly fit myself. I think I can beat her. [There is the squeal of a PA system coming on- line, and Youji returns to the crowd. We see that Invader has got himself a microphone and is addressing the crowd.] INVADER [PA]:Ladies and gentlemen...both of the home ground... [He waves a hand at a crowd of humans.] INVADER [PA]:...and the away team! [His wave encompasses a gathering of Oni.] INVADER [PA]:We are proud to present the interplanetary tag game for the fate of the planet Earth! The champion, from the planet Uru, our very own Redet Lum! [Lum dances about enthusiastically as the Oni gush over her.] INVADER [PA]:And the challenger - but Earth's champion - Matsuura Yuu! [The Terrans cheer Yuu on.] INVADER [PA]:To the winner, freedom! To the loser, invasion! [Pause] Actually, that bit's only if we win. I mean, it's not like the Earthlings are gonna invade us or anything. Ja, they couldn't, really. Well, they could, but they wouldn't win. Hey, they wouldn't have to, though, because of the tag. But then, they don't have big spaceships, and-- [Another Oni comes over and gives him a massive electric shock. Once the arcs and the smoke have cleared, Invader cuts to the chase.] INVADER [PA]:Ready...set...go!! [Yuu leaps from his starting point and rushes towards Lum. Lum doesn't appear to care.] YUU [VO]: Why isn't she running? At this rate I'll win right away... [He nearly gets to her, reaches out and grabs...] [...nothing. Lum has leapt to the air. She's flying way out of Yuu's range. He looks up.] YUU: ...aa... [Over by Invader, who is watching the action, Yui starts to get annoyed.] INVADER: Hm? Why isn't he trying to fly after her? [Yui gets more cross.] YUI: Because humans can't fly!!! [Invader looks stunned.] INVADER: They can't? YUI: Of course we can't! Why didn't you tell us you could fly?!!? INVADER: [Sniff!] You never asked. YUI: But how were we supposed to know?! INVADER: How were we supposed to know you couldn't? [Yui just falls quiet, grumbling but defeated. Yuu continues to look up at the sky.] YUU: Oh boy... [Cut to:] 7. HIGH STREET. [A different day. Now we're into quick cuts, and the jaunty look-what-mess-they're-in-this-week music from Urusei Yatsura plays over the scenes. We see Yuu twirling a lasso, and tossing it. Up in the air, the loop goes around Lum, but as soon as Yuu tries to pull it, she's flown out again...] 8. TOP OF BUILDING. [A different day again. Yuu stands towards the edge of a roof of a high building, and tries to tag Lum as she goes past, but she's out of reach. He hangs his head, and she floats just out of range sticking her tongue out.] 9. HIGH STREET. [Another day. Yuu runs up to a mini-tramp and bounces off it. He has altitude, and he's aiming for Lum...unfortunately, he ends up slamming his head into her back, which sends her spinning off course, and him to an undignified landing on the ground.] 10. YUU'S BEDROOM. [The montage music fades out as Yuu comes in and flops down onto his bed, bushed. After a moment, the phone rings and he picks up the extension by his bed.] YUU: Moshimoshi? [Wipe to:] 11A. YUU'S BEDROOM. SPLIT-SCREEN. 11B. YUI'S STUDY. SPLIT-SCREEN. [The study, surprisingly enough, contains Yui talking on the phone.] YUI: Yuu-kun? YUU: Yui-kun! YUI: So, have you beat that alien girl yet? YUU: No... YUI: Yuu! You've still got a day left, and you almost sound like you're ready to give up! YUU: Yui - I've tried everything to catch her. Ropes, high places...even dropping coins to pick up. That one always used to work on Rokutanda...none of it worked. [Sighs at himself.] She can fly. It doesn't matter how fit I am, I can't do that. YUI: Yuu. You're not just fit, you're smart. I think you can do this! I know you can do this! YUU: You do? YUI: Yuu, I've even been keeping up the work on that assignment we've got for school. [Yuu's eyes widen slightly in the just- remembered style.] YUU: The shukudai... YUI: I've even found a book I think we should look at for it! Now, would I have spent all day in the library doing that if I thought we were about to get taken over by aliens? [She's smiling despite herself: she does believe in him, and she wants him to too.] YUU: A book? [Cut to:] 12. YUU'S BEDROOM. YUI [VO]: Yes, it's at the national library... [Yuu only appears to be half-there. He's looking at his own bookcase.] YUI [Distort]: Yuu? YUU: Aa. Yui-kun...can you come out tomorrow? [Dissolve.] 13. HIGH STREET. [Lum and Yuu are in the ready positions again. Yuu, however, is fully dressed, not in his athletic gear (which is probably a relief after he's been wearing it for nine days). His parents eye this from the crowd.] YOUJI: Maybe he finds this more comfortable... [Chiyako shrugs. Lum also looks at Yuu, slightly curious, but Yuu's returned to the Matsuura Yuu we all know. He stands there, cool and unfazed. Nothing worries him.] INVADER [PA]:Ready...set...go!! [Lum looks curious for a moment more, but Yuu hardly moves, just scratching the back of his head. She makes to approach him, but thinks better of it and takes off...] [...then a whistle blows loudly. Confused, Lum comes in to land. Yui emerges from the crowd, wearing a baseball cap and jacket over her uniform, looking for all the world like an umpire of some sort. Carrying a book under one arm, she points at Lum with the other.] YUI: Foul. [Invader-san and Lum just stare at her.] LUM & INVADER: Foul? [Yui reads from the book.] YUI: This dictionary defines tag as 'a children's game in which one player runs after the others until they touch one of them...' [She closes the book and looks at Lum.] YUI: 'Run'. Not 'fly'. [Lum turns to Invader-san, who has got out a mini-rulebook of his own.] LUM: Is that right-cha? [Invader flips through the book.] INVADER: Uhh...yeah. Looks like if we're playing on Earth, we gotta play by their rules. And that means no flying. [He shrugs. Nothing he can do. Meanwhile, Yuu has approached Lum from behind, and grabs her by the horns.] YUU: Tag. [Lum sags, disappointed. Yui grabs Invader's mike.] YUI: Ladies and gentlemen - the new reigning champion of interplanetary tag, Matsuura Yuu! [Yuu modestly lets the applause go right past him. Lum approaches him, big eyes. Yuu holds out his hand to shake.] YUU: Lum-san. Aa, no hard feelings? [She takes the hand, but uses it to move closer to him. She looks right into his eyes.] LUM: Yuu-san - I've had my eye on you for the last ten days. And, now that our planets aren't at war-cha... YUU: Un? [Lum brightens into her usual bouncy self.] LUM: Marry me-cha!! [Looks as loveable as possible. Yuu considers. There is a gorgeous, semi-clad alien beauty before him, ready to pledge her life to him. What else can he do?] YUU: No, sorry. [Casually turns and walks off. Yui goes to catch up with him.] YUI: It worked! See, Yuu, didn't I tell you you could do it? YUU: And you were right. [They stop walking a moment.] YUI: It's nice to have someone else besides me do that... [Yui playfully hits him and they start walking again.] YUU: So tell me about this book you found... YUI: I haven't read it yet, but it's in the old books room. It's called...[thinks]...Four Gods' Sky and Earth... [Yuu nods and they move into the distance as we return our attention to a downcast-looking Lum. She sniffs. Chiyako comes up to her.] CHIYAKO: Lum-san? [Lum looks at her.] LUM: What's the matter with your son? Doesn't he like girls? [Chiyako shrugs.] CHIYAKO: He had a girlfriend once, but that was quite a while ago. I wouldn't worry about him too hard if I were you... [Lum's mood starts to clear as she realises it's a Yuu thing. Chiyako puts an arm around her shoulder.] CHIYAKO: Now, tell me, Lum... [She starts to lead her away.] CHIYAKO: ...have you ever thought about appearing in a commercial? [Fade out.] END CREDITS. Written by URAC SIGMA Based on Marmalade Boy created by YOSHIZUMI WATARU Urusei Yatsura and Ranma 1/2 created by TAKAHASHI RUMIKO and Fushigi Yuugi created by WATASE YUU http://members.tripod.com/~Ratbat/mustard.html (c) Recycadelic Cacti Productions MCMXCVII AUTHOR'S NOTES (2) Naughty, aren't I? Let's face it, it's not often a series weaves its world to include Marmalade Boy, Ranma 1/2, Urusei Yatsura, Doctor Who and Fushigi Yuugi... OK, not all at once, but I'd leave it there before I got any more ideas... Urusei Matsuura grew from a one-off joke I once used to say about where Yuu had got to in the Mustard Girl universe. I wasn't going to write it, but then the title pun hit me, and I couldn't be stopped. I'd just like to add a quick apology and plea here: I know there's a bit of out-of-character action in this, but I plead it necessary as after twenty-something episodes of Marmalade Boy trying to get a grip on Yuu in the position of having to play tag to save the planet is a bit slippery! And don't forget, C&C is more than welcome... Till Mustard Girl #3! Mata nee, Urac Sigma Canberra, October 1997 -- +---------------------------------------------------------------------+ | Urac 'Ratbat' Sigma, the Green Flame E-mail: ratbat@rocketmail.com | | To the Ratcave! http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/1778 | +---------------------------------------------------------------------+