SMILE
Marmalade Boy does not in
any way belong to me. I do not own the characters, though I wish I did, but
unfortunately I don’t, so please don’t sue me. They belong to the creator of
the show, Yoshizumi Wataru
Author’s
notes:
I’m
all for angst!
So for all you people who like angst, this is for you.
^-^
By
the way,
*
are character’s thoughts
“ ”
are character’s spoken words.
Thanks
a bunch. Hope you enjoy.
Please
tell me what you think by e-mailing me at nurikosama@hotmail.com
By
the way, I didn’t give all the characters equal portions of thought. It’s
because it makes the story flow better.
Major thanks to my sister, and to my friend Nykee
and of course, Bruce Clark! *Kisses*
SMILE by Mia Kiaria
I fell again, but I forced myself
onto my feet again. I had been falling a lot lately. My legs always felt like
jelly nowadays too. It was probably because I had been practicing too hard.
I picked up the tennis racket that had fallen and lay at my feet. It was worn from the years of use. I couldn’t help it – I loved the sport. That’s why I practiced every day. Well, nearly everyday. A tournament between Toryo and Queen’s was coming up in about a month. I wanted to win. I wanted to see my coach smile. I wanted to see my friends smile. But most of all, I wanted to see Yuu smile.
With this in mind, I wiped the sweat
from my forehead, determined to do my best, if not for myself, then at least
for him. With all my strength, I threw the yellow tennis ball at the wall in
front of me. My breath grew ragged and labored as I continuously ran after it.
My vision began to blur as the sweat
from my forehead ran into my eyes. But even when I wiped it away, my eyes still
blurred. My legs began to shake again, so I took a seat. There was a pain in my
chest, but I ignored it, taking long gulps of water. I used the back of my hand
to wipe my mouth and tried to control my breathing before I stood up to return
to practice.
When I did, however, I fell. Again.
******
The smell of eggs and toast was what greeted me that morning. I was so
tired. I just wanted to sleep. But who was I to complain? That was one downfall
in being a student. I wouldn’t even begin to list the others, or else it would
be never-ending.
Miki was already eating when I came down the stairs,
buttoning up my uniform’s collar. Her eyes sparkled when I entered, and her
smile seemed to make the world brighter.
“Good morning Yuu!” She sang.
“Good morning.” I answered, taking a
seat across the table from her. Our
matched parents were rushing about as usual, getting prepared and fussing over
the fact that they might actually be late.
As they ran out the door, I was
surprised to see Miki get up and start getting her things together too.
Disappointedly, I asked, “You’re
going too?”
She stopped and looked up. “I’ve got an important practice before school starts.” She said.
I pretended to give her a blank
look. “Practice? What for?”
She frowned. “I told you yesterday,” she accused, “that our tournament is today. I
can’t believe you’d forget something so important to me.” I couldn’t hold the
blank expression up any longer. Nor could I stand the fact that the sparkle in
her eyes had gone out. I smiled and silenced her with a kiss.
“I remember.”
She grinned. “I’m sorry we couldn’t
go together.” She pulled her shoes on, and grabbed her racket. I watched as she
opened the door and stepped out. By our gate, stood Ginta, waiting for her. I
bit my lip, as I saw her run to him and take his hand. It wasn’t me that she
would go with, it would be him.
Then she turned and waved. She gave
me her smile. A special smile that she reserved solely for me. I waved back.
This was no time to be getting jealous. After all, she was already my
girlfriend.
As if to be sure, I felt my hand
curl around the locket she had given me. I let out a deep breath before
returning to the house. I had to get going too, or else I’d be late. But as I
turned into the kitchen, I realized I wasn’t going to be going anywhere without
cleaning up the mess that was left on the table.
With a sigh, I picked up the first
dish…
*********
I had to concentrate. I bent down, getting ready for anything that would come my way.
“Go for it Miki!!!” I heard those
shouts from my schoolmates. I saw Ginta and Arimi cheering for me. I grinned
and nodded, despite the fact that I was losing. But Meiko always told me that I
shouldn’t give up. Queen’s High School was harder than I thought. I shouldn’t
have underestimated them.
I remembered my strenuous practices.
I just couldn’t lose like this. I worked too hard. When halftime came, I was
behind by two sets. But after a cool drink of water, I felt much better. Only,
there was that sharp pain in my chest that had started up again. I ignored it
as I always had, and returned my attention to my opponent.
The fact that I couldn’t find Yuu in
the crowd made me even more worried.
*It’s okay Miki!* I scolded myself.
*You can do this!*
I began to shake. I hated myself!!!
My eyesight began to blur, and I angrily rubbed at them with my wristband. This
was the worst time for me to lose focus.
“What’s wrong with her?” Arimi
whispered.
“I don’t know. Maybe she’s nervous.”
Ginta replied, his worry starting to get the better of him. Meiko stepped up to
the fence and pushed her hair out of her face. “She’s gotten pale.” She noted.
Ginta looked around, annoyed. “Where
is Matsuura anyway? How could he
leave her at a time like this! That guy is so unbelievable!”
I gasped for breath, and
straightened. I saw the ball heading straight toward me. And then, in the
corner of my eye, I saw him. He was leaning against the fence, his fingers
intertwined in them. He was watching every move I made.
And I knew, without a doubt, that I
would win. Because of the smile that I had already received.
*********
Ginta Suou
I jumped. She won! I was so proud. Arimi threw her arms around my neck.
I hugged her back just as happily. Miki was jumping up and down too.
The cheers from our school drowned
out her happy laughing. She won the match point in the deuce when their scores
had tied.
“You did it!!!” I shouted, trying
frantically to open the gates so that I would be able to hug her. I remember
the first time she had won and I had helped her. It felt the same.
All of a sudden, she went pale, and
collapsed. I was the first to reach her.
She was shaking, as if with a fever,
but she wasn’t hot. Her eyes were wide with fear, and her breath came fast. I
bent down.
“Miki! Are you okay?” I
demanded. She slowly lifted herself up with her arms into a sitting position.
Everyone else had gathered around us, asking a million questions, but she
answered mine.
“I’m…I’m okay…I guess I just jumped
too much. I must be tired.” She gave her happy-go-lucky laugh. “I always fall
over nothing.” But despite her cheerfulness, I could hear a tint of fright in
her voice.
I helped her up. “Go get
Matsuura-kun. We’ll be in the medical room.” I whispered to Arimi. She nodded
and ran off to get him. I, on the other hand, held Miki steady.
She pushed away from me. “I’m okay.
I told you, I’m fine. I can stand on my own.” As she was saying that, she fell,
face first, toward the ground. I caught her before she could hit it.
I practically dragged her to the
medical room, ignoring all her protests.
*****
I entered the room. She was sitting down with a confused look on her face. Ginta sat next to
her, Arimi sitting in his lap. Meiko stood by the window and turned around when
I came in.
I marched straight toward Miki. She
was pale. I grabbed her hands. “Are you okay?” I demanded.
She looked uncertain. “I told you
guys, I’m fine. I just fell. Big deal.”
Meiko turned to look at her.
“Miki-chan, you’re always the optimist. Don’t be afraid of telling us. Or else,
we’ll be even more worried.” I agreed.
Arimi stood. “Maybe she wants to
tell Yuu alone.” She said. The rest got her hint, and they all filed outside,
each giving her a worried glance.
Once gone, I turned to face her. She
watched me with her big green eyes. “What happened? Why don’t you want to tell
me?” She paled again, and bent down, trying to conceal pain. Had I said
something wrong? I knelt next to her.
“If you don’t want to tell me, then
you don’t have to,” I said gently, “but know that I’m always here for you. No
matter what.” Her shoulders were shaking. After a few minutes, she looked up.
“Pain.”
Pain?
“I feel pain. Like someone is
crushing my heart.” She said slowly and quietly. Pain in her heart. It must be
stress. To my surprise, she smiled, “Maybe I’m heartbroken.” She joked. I
smiled. Always so strong.
The nurse came in. “Koishikawa-san,
how do you feel?” She asked. Miki opened her mouth to tell her that she was
fine, but seeing the look I shot her, she told the truth. The nurse began to
ask questions after hearing it was about the heart.
“How many times have you experienced
this pain?” She asked.
“A couple of times for the last 3
months.” Miki answered. The nurse’s pen stopped scribbling for a second. I felt
something in my stomach knot during the brief pause.
“…Okay…” She continued to scribble
notes as Miki described the pain, and what she had been doing at the time the
pain hit. I watched the Nurse’s reaction to all this. It didn’t look happy.
I leaned forward. “Well?” I
demanded, unable to conceal my anxiety any longer. “Is she okay? What’s wrong
with her?”
She gave me an unreadable look. I
felt the knot grow tighter. “That’s not for me to say,” she answered slowly.
“But she has to go to the hospital.”
Miki stared unblinking.
I, on the other hand, struggled to
breathe.
*****
I sat on the chair, watching Yuu
pace in front of me. I still felt weak, but his pacing was making me feel
anxious too…
The only sound in the room other
than his footsteps, was a constant beeping that came from a device that
monitored my heart. The room had the annoying antiseptic smell that every
hospital had. The light blue hospital garb made me feel uncomfortable. I’d give
anything just to be in my Pota Pota shirt again.
The wind blew in from the open
window, making my hair light brown hair blow with it. I continued to watch him.
Walk to the window. Stop. Turn. Walk back. I’d never seen him like this before.
I only knew his calm, composed, self. He never liked to show how he felt. Least
of all to me. But at least, he was opening up a little bit.
We were waiting for the results of
the quick test that I had gone through. Our parents had been notified that I
had been admitted into the hospital. I squirmed in the gown, wanting to turn
off the machine. I wanted to go home and sleep. I wanted to hit him on the head
to stop him from pacing!
“…Yuu…” I started to say.
The doctor entered.
“What is it?!” Yuu exploded.
“What’s wrong with her?”
The doctor took a surprised step
back. I felt so embarrassed. I think we had somehow changed positions. Yuu had
turned into me, and I had somehow gained his cool composure. Not like me at
all. I just waited with dread to hear the answer.
It seemed forever until the doctor
finally said, “We’re not sure yet. We don’t have a definite diagnosis.” My
hands, which had been clenched, slowly relaxed themselves. They instantly
clenched again when he said, “but there’s definitely a problem.”
Yuu didn’t even get the chance to
say anything because the doctor plowed on. “There’s a problem with her heart.
We’ll have to run more tests before we can be sure of anything more.”
A problem with my heart? I think it
stopped beating just then. I let out my breath, which I had no idea I had been
holding in.
“But there is something we do know.”
The doctor told me slowly. The way he said it told me that I wouldn’t like it.
When I didn’t say anything, he continued, “You won’t be able to play tennis
ever again. I’m sorry.”
My shock wouldn’t even let me cry.
******
I twirled the telephone cord around and around my finger. I stared at
the wall, though, not really seeing it. Ginta, on the other line, ranted on and
on. All I could do was listen.
It was so sad that Miki couldn’t be
able to play tennis again. Not that I had known her for a long time. In fact, I
hadn’t even gotten to know her that well. I mean, I felt like, it wasn’t fair
for someone like her who had a passion for tennis, to not be able to play. It
wasn’t right.
Ginta continued to talk. I didn’t
really hear him until he said, “Did you hear? That Miki has a problem with her
heart…” He sounded so sad. I choked.
“Arimi? Are you okay?” He demanded.
I nodded, even though he couldn’t see it.
“I…I’m fine.” Did I just hear right?
* Did he just say that Miki had a problem with her heart?* “You’re not joking right?” I asked. “I
thought she just couldn’t play tennis anymore.”
His voice went lower. “I thought so
too…”
I leaned forward, so that my
forehead touched the wall. I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t believe what
was happening. I couldn’t stand the fact that he sounded so sad. After a long
pause, I tried to sound as comforting as I could. “She’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”
Pretty lame.
******
I hung up the phone. I couldn’t breathe. I felt so bad. My first female
best friend was not able to play anymore. And here I was, entering the finals
in two weeks. I didn’t think I could do it. I didn’t think it was right.
I hoped that Yuu would bring some
good news that the doctor had been wrong. That he had been screwed in the head
at the time when he said it. Drunk or something…I don’t know? But if anything,
I wanted her to be able to play.
It wouldn’t be the same if she
didn’t.
Would she still be the same Miki,
even if she didn’t, and she was in a wheelchair? What would I be like?
All the negative questions piled in
my head. I took a deep breath. I had to think positively.
Positive.
The phone rang. I wish I didn’t
answer it. All it seemed to bring was bad news.
It brought me the worst news in my
life.
Negative.
******
I was pacing again. And I
knew that Miki wanted me to stop. I just couldn’t. It wasn’t like me at all,
but I was so worried. She was so pale. I wished it were just the fact that she
was tired.
She had gone through a series of
blood tests and x-rays. The doctors said that they would let us know right away
about the results. I couldn’t wait any longer. I needed to know if she’d be okay.
Miki sat facing me, her brown hair
was out of its usual ponytail, and it fell down to her shoulders. She no longer
had the cheery look in her eyes as she had had that morning. Her white hospital
gown looked a bit too big for her, and she seemed lost in it. A needle stuck
out from her left arm, into a weird contraption next to the bed she was sitting
on.
I could tell she wanted to go home.
I wanted to as well.
“…Yuu…” She said again. She sounded
exasperated. “It’ll be okay. Don’t worry.”
Yeah. Right.
It was weird that she was the one
reassuring me when it was her who had the problem. But that was the way she
was. Optimistic in the most tragic times. I spun to face her, but then
continued my pacing, unable to keep still.
The doctor entered, and time seemed
to stop. Miki turned her big eyes toward him. He didn’t look too happy.
“I’ll get down to the point
Koishikawa-san.” He said in his deep voice. Miki nodded, and the color seemed
to drain some more from her face. He continued, as if unaware that I was even
present in the room.
“You’ve got a tumor in your heart…”
Tumor???
“If you had told us sooner, we could
have…” He started to say.
I opened my mouth to say something,
and he gave me a sharp look, finally realizing I existed.
“Young man, anything to do with the
heart is something that should not be taken lightly. It’s very dangerous.”
I shut my mouth.
In a quiet and sad voice, Miki
asked, “So that’s it then? I’m going to die?”
I grabbed her hand, my other hand
went to her cheek. I knelt in front of her. How could she say such a thing?
“You won’t.” I said gently, urgently, “You won’t. It’s just a tumor. It’ll be
okay.”
Miki never looked at me. She just
stared at the doctor. She was surprisingly calm for the information that she
just received. But the doctor shook his head.
“It’s grown to be cancerous now…”
His voice had a tint of sadness in it.
I didn’t believe it. My mouth felt
dry, and I couldn’t find my voice. What was I supposed to say? The truth just
seemed like…a lie. I felt like punching the doctor’s lights out. I wanted to
scream at him. I wanted to hurt him so badly…I’ve never wanted to hurt anyone
purposely before. Not like this anyway.
My head was spinning and reality
pushed away. This had to be a dream. *Oh god, let this be a dream* But it
wasn’t.
I wished I could cry.
*****
I lay down on the stiff hospital
bed. I couldn’t think. I didn’t want to think. I could see Yuu’s face. It
looked hurt, betrayed.
*I’m sorry Yuu!* My mind screamed. I
had to be strong. For myself, for him, and for everybody that I cared for.
“I’m sorry…” The doctor said again,
bowing slightly before leaving the room.
*No you’re not.*
Time seemed suspended. Even the
curtains blowing with the wind seemed to stop in midair. Once the door clicked
behind the doctor, Yuu spun to face me.
“Don’t believe him Miki. You’re
going to make it. You’re going to survive.” He knelt next to my bed again.
Being with him made everything better. But right now…I just wanted to be alone.
“Yuu…ano…I…” I didn’t know what to
say. I didn’t want him to worry. I shook my head and forced a smile. “I’m
tired. I just want to rest.” He seemed to get the point. He squeezed my hand
and brushed a kiss on my forehead.
The pain had started again in my
heart. I tried to ignore it. “Rest now,” he told me, “you’ll get better. Don’t
worry.”
I knew better. It sounded almost as
though he was trying to reassure himself. I watched as he left the room too.
Now alone, my mind replayed what the doctor had just said.
“You
have about a month…if the chemotherapy works, it may be prolonged…”
If. There was no reassurance in that.
It seemed absurd. I was only 16. I
had my whole life ahead of me. I was supposed to get married and have children
– but not anymore. I had one month left to live.
I couldn’t stand the pain in my
heart any longer. This time, I knew it was because my heart was breaking.
******
Author’s
Notes:
I’m
not sure how old Miki is. I’ve forgotten. And it’s kind of obvious that Miki
has had this disease for a long time, but she ignored the signs. I tried to
make the characters the way they are in the show. Please inform me if I made
any drastic mistakes.
I
played the part of Miki too, because I wanted to show the turmoil that goes on
inside the person’s head that has suddenly been diagnosed with a deadly
disease.